The worst phone call ever.

The worst phone call ever for me would be the one I'm always waiting for. Before John was a soldier, he was a driver and it was a very dangerous job, considering how many souls are taken by traffic accidents every year. And now my Johnny will be deployed next year. It's not like he's infantry on the front lines or anything, but it still is a little scary that he will be so far away for so long. The worst phone call would be the one telling me that something has happened to him. Or that emotionally-distanced knock at the door. I hope I would know - that I would feel something. But, who knows? I just hope that I can be strong if it ever happens. One of my college roommates lost her husband almost two years ago, the day after Christmas. It was very sudden. It's horrifying how easily and how quickly it can happen. I can't even imagine the hollow feeling of continuing to get up day after day. Complete anguish. Seeing one toothbrush by the sink, the fridge magnets arranged as before, leftovers in the fridge... Just the pain of each time John has to leave for a while - last Christmas I was without him with the kidney infection - creates such a void. You work around it and pretend it isn't there, but it's an unending ache. It never gets easier, it never goes away. My dear roommate... I don't know how she has been so strong. It should never happen to someone so young with so much possibility. It makes me wish I could heal peoples' pain. So, if that worst phone call ever comes and changes everything forever, I hope I can be like her. Her strength and beauty has been inspiring to me.