Happy New Year, Y'all!

I am feeling good! Yesterday I slept all day. I mean ALL DAY. I woke up at 8:00 pm. (So much for fixing the sleeping schedule. xD ) I can actually feel the other medication letting go and I am finally starting to really sleep again. All y'all take a nap and think of me and how good it feels. =D
My motivation is coming back. My drive. I worked out today. It sucked. It kicked my butt around the room, but that's how it goes. The wonderful thing about exercise is that after a few days of working out, it's going to start hurting less. I'm going to start feeling better and better. And I'm going to get back in shape. I'm in control again. I feel like my life is mine again. I know this might not last, so I'm going to take advantage of it while it's here and do my best to help it linger longer. (Linger longer... that is so fun to say! Try it.) I'm very much looking forward to being organized again. =)
It's New Year's Eve and we're cleaning. Unpacking some more and getting things organized. I'm thinking of making fettucine alfredo with prosciutto and peas for dinner. I love pasta. I don't care about any diet or whatever, I'm not giving up carbs. Forget that. My goal is not to be skinny. I want to be sculpted. Skinny can go play in traffic, who cares about it? One of the few episodes of Dancing with the Stars I watched had a super model trying to learn to dance. She frustrated her professional dance partner because she was too weak to do anything. I want a powerful body that can do what I want it to do. (And could last if running away from a murderer or something cause whenever I watch those movies I always am thinking about how I would have stopped running and asked the psycho to kill me and put me out of my misery. Hahaha. xD )
I am very excited for the new year. New beginnings, goals, yum yum yum. I often feel this way in August when school is starting. "I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." ~You've Got Mail quote. This year I want to get back in shape and get things together for my life a little more. John will be at a training in Louisiana for 3 weeks in February, so I will have a tiny practice run for when he deploys around June/July. I'm going to start driving more right away (I don't end up driving that much since John needs to take our only car to work). I find my way around better when I've driven there myself, so I'm going to drive places now while John is here to help me if I make a wrong turn or something. I probably won't be visiting home much while John is away because I will either need to travel with two cats (if it were just Zoe, it would be cake, but Miley needs a little more... stability) or I need to trust someone else to take care of them while I travel. I really don't want to leave my kitty-babies somewhere because I worry about them and I'd much rather they be with me. People who don't care about animals that much think I'm silly, but they don't realize I don't really care about their opinion and I love my cats very much. So, they can make fun of me for caring so much about cats and I can enjoy the fulfillment I get from sharing my life with these furry little intelligences. *steps off of soap box and adds some to the laundry as she starts it* I am sad that I haven't been able to visit home. I had been very optimistic that we'd easily be able to visit and many people have asked when we can. The thing that I didn't think about was $. Lol. Man, traveling costs a ton of cash. We had to borrow money just to get out here and once we got here we didn't get paid and had to take out a loan. Getting across the country cleaned us out. And I really started hating to eat out. There are restaurants that are ruined for me now. xD I'd like to finally be able to save a little money. My surgeries took all the savings we'd had and paying them off and our car from the accident we had that totaled our car have made it difficult to save. We finally paid off all of my medical bills a couple of months ago. IHC has no hold over me at last, may they become the devil's morsels for his fondue pot. It took 4 years to pay off those surgeries. We had anesthesiologists to pay, the surgeon, the hospital, and the physical therapist. But, they are all paid up and I am free at last and going to tone these puppies up (puppies in this case = shoulders) and do some rock climbing or something. Get my money's worth, eh? xD
Alright. Suffice it to say I am excited for a new year and starting to feel better. May you all make goals you can keep and have an amazing countdown and kiss at midnight. Happy New Year!!! ^.^

I almost forgot my extra thing #2! To post my favorite picture of myself. Well, my favorite one is from when some friends and I picked up John from the airport when he came back from West Virginia. We put his luggage tags on the lapels of my coat so they said I "belong to John." xD It was so fun and you can just see how happy I am in it.

Look at that happy Tiney! xD

Merry Christmas Together!

=D Hope you all had a Merry Christmas! We did. We got some fun presents from family and friends in the mail that we stuck bows on and put under our little tree (little is best with these kitties, BELIEVE me). And we tried to send home some fun stuff, too. =) We've been lazy bums all weekend and loving it. xD Plus, we got a few inches of snow the day after Christmas! What fun! So, we had some White Christmas going on (also the movie White Christmas, might I add) this year. I remembered how last year John and I were apart and I had a kidney infection. :( Yeah, that pretty much sucked. xD hahaha This year is much better together, though I have missed my family and friends at home a lot. John got me some chocolate coins and gave them to me for Christmas. There were always chocolate coins in our stockings every year when I was growing up, so it was John's way of giving me a little piece of home for Christmas. (He is SUCH a sweetie.)
Miles is still disciplining Zoe all the time. He's becoming a bit of a bossy older sibling! xD If he sees us tell her to leave the blinds alone or not to play with the cords, he also feels he must make sure she leaves those things alone and hisses at her and hits her to get the message across. *sigh* This makes her feel bad and she'll run away and be sad cause she is such a sensitive little girl. How close to parenting this actually feels sometimes can be hilarious. "Miles, can't you play with her so she'll stop climbing on everything?" Hahaha! It's awesome. It's fun having a kitten around, even if she does do her best to get into trouble as much as possible.
We forgot to get out the camera and take pictures on Christmas - it's just the two of us, after all. But, we'll take a few soon. :)

My extra thing: A musician I love that might surprise people is Roger Miller! He's awesome. My love for him started in my babyhood with the cartoon of Robin Hood. And now even if he sings the dumbest songs (which he sometimes does), I love it!!! xD

Catching Up a Bit

I know y'all have been on the edge of your seats waiting for a picture of me with a tree. xD Just kidding. To make a long story short, the psychiatrist I hadn't wanted to go see had an early opening last week, so I took it. It went pretty well. She suggested that since I'd gotten down to such a low dose of the medication I was on that now I should quit cold turkey. She suggested a new medication that just helps my body produce serotonin better and has not been known to have any weight problems or stuff like that. So, I decided why not? So, I stopped taking the first medication and started taking the second one. And I have been feeling quite bleh. ;P Can't sleep at night and then drop during the day because I'm so tired. So so tired all the time. The nightmares are dwindling off into just weird dreams, thankfully. We'll see how this one goes. Most people have told me it's all about finding the right one... I'm not sure how much of me still cares; I'm becoming completely jaded. A little energy would be wonderful. That's all I want.
I will try to take a picture of me with my Christmas tree soon and post it. :)
I've been thinking about the 30 new subjects. I think I will come up with 30 new things but that I will include them as part of my next 30 posts that won't have to be daily. Every day is too much for me, sadly. So I'll just have a tidbit at the end of each post.

1- What musician do you love that would surprise people because it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of your favorites?
2- Post your favorite picture of yourself.
3- What is something you miss?
4- Name a talent of yours you want to cultivate more.
5- What tv show or movie do you watch when you really need to calm down and come back to yourself?
6- What book has made the biggest impression on you so far?
7- Where do you dream of going someday?
8- Who inspires you to be more and why?
9- A picture (new or old) of you in your very favorite shirt.
10- Name a geeky hobby you have.
11- What tastes like Christmas when you eat it?
12- Make a recipe you've been scared of, take a picture to post here, then have fun eating it and tell us about it later. =)
13- Who, outside of family, do you still keep in touch with regularly that has known you the longest?
14- Name a comic strip you love.
15- Post a picture of you from a time you were very happy.
16- What is one thing you would change about yourself?
17- Post a picture of your favorite bird.
18- Favorite Sean Connery role.
19- A song you turn to when you really need that whatever-it-is.
20- What language do you wish you could speak fluently?
21- When you are bored, what do you doodle pictures of?
22- Your favorite poem.
23- What is the name of the scent of candle you have that you love the most?
24- Your favorite color to wear.
25- If you could start your own business, what would it be?
26- Try a food you've never tasted before and tell us about it.
27- What are the pros and cons of your place in your family (ie youngest, middle kid, oldest...) and how do you think it has shaped you as a person?
28- Name 2 animals - one tiny, one big - that you think are cool.
29- Your favorite movie in black and white.
30- What do you love most about yourself? Also, 30 more things (or 30 things you yoink from someone else - eeheehee!).
If anyone that reads my blog wants to do these at the end of their next 30 posts whenever they are, feel free. I think that would be cool, but don't feel like you have to or anything. It's supposed to be fun, after all. xD

A Sports Figure I Admire

Hm... Confession: not a sports fan. I know you're all shocked because of how sporty I seem. *sarcasm* Hahaha. Well, I'm not into watching the traditional team sports. I like playing them, though. And I'd like to go to a baseball game. If I were into baseball I could say the Great Bambino, like in the Sandlot. xD But, ballroom dancing and martial arts are two not-so-traditional sports that I've been part of. Though when my sensei ran toward me for my belt test I ran out of the ring squealing... I was 19 and even more wimpy than I am now. So, I'll pick someone from those two sports I admire.
And the winner is: Tony Jaa. (John will FREAK OUT when he reads this cause he has no idea how much I love this martial artist he introduced me to. xD )



Tony Jaa is a Thai martial arts actor. His parents were elephant herders in Thailand and as a kid Tony (his real Thai name is Panom Yeerum) grew up watching the masters: Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li. So, he started imitating and learning the martial arts he saw, combining the styles of those he admired. He became a stunt man and later an actor. He had an interest in Muay Boran, which is an ancient style of Muay Thai (Muay Boran focuses on using 9 weapons: arms, legs, elbows, knees, and head, which is very apparent when watching Tony use it) and the movie Ong Bak was made to showcase his skills. A few months ago John and I picked up the movie because John was so excited about it - he'd seen it with a friend during AIT (training). When you first watch it, your mind is a little left behind trying to grasp the movement and speed Jaa is capable of. Here is a clip from the movie - beware the evil guy flips off the camera and I'm annoyed it's in here, but at least the fight is set to Michael Jackson. Also... it's violent, obviously, since it's martial arts. And it's a fairly cheesy-seeming movie from this clip. *shrug* We're watching for the coolness of the martial arts, not necessarily for the acting...
And now I'm in the mood to listen to Michael Jackson for a while. xD
So, Tony Jaa did a few movies and suddenly he became a Buddhist monk at a temple in Surin, Thailand. I think that is awesome. No one knows how long he will be there. I know that many Buddhist monks are able to accomplish inhuman feats with their martial arts. John and I watched a movie called Wheel of Life. Some Shaolin Buddhist Monks put on a rare performance of their abilities for a live audience. It is AMAZING. Here is a clip - just watch until the little boy does some amazing pole work, that's all I ask. It still leaves me in awe, as I watch. Perhaps Jaa is training with the monks and working toward enlightenment. :)




In any case, I really admire this man. He has achieved so much from such a beautifully humble and simple beginning. It makes me itch to train again. I think I will look into it. Now that my shoulders are doing somewhat better, I should be able to accomplish more. And it's such a rewarding discipline. =)

A Magical Moment or Memory

A moment that really felt magical to me happened about six years ago. We had rescued this feral little gray kitten with tons of energy. We had taught him to drink and we watched him walk like Stitch - as low to the ground as he could get - when he was scared of new things and new places. He was sooo soft when he'd let you touch him. xD He was wild as could be. But, after we'd had him a couple of days I saw the tiny puff use his little claws to hike up the front of the couch and - I had a blanket over my lap cause the house we were renting got quite cold - he climbed up onto my lap, curled into a tiny ball, and laid down to go to sleep. And he let me pet his tiny head for the first time, beginning to purr. I felt so excited. John and I exchanged a really happy, wide-eyed look conveying, "Look what he's doing!!! I know! Omg!" xD I actually hadn't thought he'd ever become a cuddly kitty. I thought I had committed to take care of this wild crazy little ricochet of a kitten that would stay that way. So, it truly felt like magic to me.



This is baby Miles going to sleep cuddled against my face. If he did that now... well, it would be uncomfortable. xD What a sweetie-boy.

Something I Can't Throw Away

This is George, my glow-in-the-dark rubber snake. I got it in 5th or 6th grade. My class went to the Hanson Planetarium in Salt Lake City and watched the cool laser show they had and looked at the exhibits. And I got this snake and a big glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball in the gift shop. I named the snake George after Nancy Drew's friend. Haha. The snake is a boy, though, to clarify. He's been in my possession ever since. I lost it from my pocket one year when Brandon and I were playing in the snow and I was so sad. But, when the snow melted away, Brandon found George in the grass. =) (That's just the kind of brother he is.) When we've moved both times recently I was overjoyed each time I unpacked my dumb little rubber snake. I don't know why, exactly. Just this little toy that reminds me of those times as a kid when you're full of dreams and wonder and don't yet think there's anything out there that will hinder you from becoming everything you imagine. It takes me back there when I see George, so I keep him on my nightstand. Funny. I just can't throw him away.

Shiny! 8D

I felt like some kind of critter looking around for shiny things to takes pictures of. xD

Well, I managed to find some shiny things. It's raining today and I tried taking pictures of the rain giving things a wet sheen, but it didn't really work. Hahaha. xD So, you get to look at household items. :-7



This our kitchen clock. =D I'n't it cute??? I love it so much! It was the second color-decorating item (after the aforementioned spoon rest). It's pretty shiny. *shrug* I now proclaim it as such for my blog, in any case.



Mah peppeh mill. Dat's right. Isn't it the cutest pepper mill? It's such a good one - and after I got it I realized that one of the season's of 30 Minute Meals... *drum roll ........* Rachael Ray uses the same kind!!! Anyhoo, it's shiny and John's making ramen which shocks us all, I'm sure. ;)



Johnny's Christmas present. :) A nice shiny new single serve french press for those weeks of night shift and for nommy breakfast times. I realize this would be a bride's best friend - it's new, blue, and it would be borrowed from us. She could tuck this in her purse and get a pick me up during dancing later, too. xD I am THE biggest dork, officially.
So, that concludes shiny-fest. Now I can stop feel rodential. (New word. Patent-pending.)



Yup, I brought it up just so I could have the cutest pic of a Eurasian red squirrel on here. =D

My Lucky Number

When I was in 2nd grade, we were assigned box numbers that we slid out of cubbies and into our desks every day. I got number 4. Same with 3rd grade. Now, since my last name began with a B, I was probably just still the 4th student on the list or something, but since then 4 has been my favorite/lucky number. It's funny to me, because I know it's not different than the other numbers. It just sticks with me. Also, 4 is a really fun number to write and there are 2 cool ways to write it. xD

I've been listening to Gene Autry a lot lately. (It has something to do with my dad. Sh!) There's just something about his happy little way of singing songs. My favorite is Buttons & Bows. It's from Son of Paleface. Such a funny movie. Jane Russel, Bob Hope, and Roy Rogers. Brandon and I used to watch it and laugh and laugh when we were little. (Yes, we did, Bun! We did we did! -- He never remembers the same things as me and claims they never happened. -.- ) Another singer my dad got me hooked on is Roy Orbison. =D I still need Blue Bayou. I don't know how I couldn't have that one - it's like the BEST one! But, I do, of course, have Oh, Pretty Woman. Dad, Brandon, and I used to sing along with that song back in the day. Especially the growly part. (If you don't know the part, you need to listen to the song. And also: for shame!) Man... when we were kids (and even in the very recent past) my dad would sing funny songs to us. Like, "I like bread and butter. I like toast and jam." Or "Sugar in the morning, sugar in the evening, sugar at suppertime! Be my little sugar and love me all the time!" Hahaha! When I found out those were real songs I was astounded. I thought my dad was just weird. xD And he'd smack his knees against my mattress when I wouldn't wake up and sing, "Oh, what a beautiful mooooorning! Oh, what a beautiful day!" But, he'd sing as annoying as he could so I would get up. (Not quite Gordon Macrae, here, buddies. Hahaha!) So, lately, since I actually miss my dad singing and dancing around quite a lot, I've been getting those songs so I can bug my cats. xD Miss you, Pops!

Why It's Hard Being A Grownup

As a grownup, everything has such a feeling of permanency. Change feels less possible, whereas when I was a kid change was always expected as a matter of course. I would move to the next grade in school with a new teacher and new kids. I'd get taller, I'd lose teeth, new teeth I'd never met before would grow in and I'd be stuck with them... Now, things feel more difficult to change. So much has to just be dealt with and endured, that I forget I might have the power to change something.
Being a grownup is also hard because suddenly everyone expects you to be boring. You aren't supposed to have an imagination anymore. You are automatically assumed to like beige and want beige. Most of the lamps I like are for children. -.- If someone wants a little color, why does that make them juvenile? Odd. It's like grownup-hood wants everything to be muted. Less happy music, colors, clothes, hair... It's responsible time and looking that way apparently means less femininity, less joy, just less...
BUT, if there's anything I learned from Frankie (meaning Frank Sinatra, OF COURSE) is that the key to enjoying grownup-hood is to be young at heart. ;) So, that's what I try to do. I don't shop in the Juniors' section, though. xD Chubbiness helped me make sure I stopped that before 30. And also, just choosing to enjoy grownup-hood is important. Choice. Right now, it's hard not to HATE everything. I hate my body, hate my situation as some pathetic chubby person that stays home all day because she has nothing else in her life, hate the withdrawals from the meds and that I was ever gullible enough to think they'd help me... But, there's no point in letting myself sit here and hate. It's not going to change anything or help anything. So, I think I make a pretty cute chubby lady. And, hey, I can do whatever I want! Nothing's hemming me in, I can try cooking classes, photo classes, running, making cloud shapes, carpentry, painting, acrobatics. Anything! If I want to dance to Sir Mixalot all day, more power to me. (But, my poor neighbors. Hahaha.)
The thing that makes anything hard or easy is simply perspective.

View From My Window

This is the view from one of our upstairs windows today. That's the housing office across the street from us. It's a pretty nice day today. :) It's gotten cold the past few days. I guess it was supposed to get down to 18 degrees Fahrenheit the other night. It certainly was brrr no matter what the number said. Hahaha.
Miles has been a pill lately. He doesn't get to be a spoiled little boy anymore and he is mad about it. He's mad and me and Zoe. Not John. He loves John. -.- *muttermutterdaddy'sbabymuttermutter* So this week he's decided to exact his revenge. He scratched and bit my arms like crazy the other day and I launched him into the closet and shut the door and left him in there for 20 minutes or so. Today he tried it again and, after a little more closet time, I picked him up under his arms and brought us face to face and told him I was done with this and he would either cut it out or get out. Surprisingly, it worked. He's been more respectful ever since. And I won't need a lot of band-aids this time. I'm good at the battle of wills game. I can out-stubborn a cat, definitely. xD
The withdrawals are becoming more and more minimal as time goes by. I'm looking forward to feeling myself again. Sometimes I think the medicines are made to make you feel more crazy so when you quit you think you're pretty sane. Hahaha. I feel good today and I'm excited to make some orzo primavera in a few hours. =D

The Last Time I Laughed So Hard I Cried (or peed)

Being married to the Jonneh, I laugh a lot. The most recent time I laugh so hard I cried was actually yesterday when John was what can only be described as bouncing up the stairs and he fell up the stairs very suddenly and landed on his bummy on the landing. xD He was not hurt, just stunned that he was down. I laughed and laughed until I was all teary and my side ached and I was starting to cough. (I cough a lot when I've been laughing hard.) Even now, I keep giggling while I write about it.
I think I only laughed to the point of wetting myself once. I was a kid - I think around 9 - and my cousin Connie came to visit and we were sharing the sofa bed in the basement for a sleepover type fun time and she was and still is so funny that I was physically unable to stop it from happening. I was mortified! I had to change and my mom changed the sheets and my Aunt Connie was not very impressed with me, I'm pretty sure. x-| It's pretty funny now, though. xD And if I'm around someone funny, I take frequent bathroom breaks to ensure that never EVER happens again. Hahaha.

Don't rock the boat, baby!

I love oldies songs, so that's part of why the title. The other reason is that I've been experiencing some vertigo as part of my withdrawals this week. (I echo Nacho Libre: "It's fantastic! I love it!") I also have most of the classics - headache, nausea, shakes, dizzy (different from vertigo - which is not nearly as funny as in Arrested Development, dash it all), sleeplessness, nightmares straight from the nether-regions so I burst awake in terror and dripping with sweat so I need to fully change my clothes before attempting to sleep again, lack of hunger, thinking death could actually be a sweet release and hoping for that instead of freedom from the medication... I feel pretty good for about 2 hours after taking the meds. Then my body wants more. I'm not sure, but I think street drugs would have been more fun and I'd be less chubby at this point. Just saying.
In any case, I'm so sorry for missing so many days. I'm like 6 days behind! D= So, I will catch up. Cue the Elvis tunes whilst I write.
~Next year I am going to learn to...~

Lose 45 pounds healthily. I'm going to start now, but obviously I won't finish til the new year. I'm just going to try to cook more healthy food - I'm not going to live on steamed vegetables and water. I'd like to enjoy life now, too, not just live a crappy existence til I'm skinny. What the deuce is the point of that? I'm going to exercise daily or as close to that as I can get. Today... I slept most of the day - finding little bits of sleep between the horrific nightmares. (I've had nightmares that look like birthday parties compared to this.) But, tomorrow is a new day. I admit, I usually help myself lose weight by cutting out breakfast and lunch completely and telling myself I deserve to be hungry cause I let myself gain weight. I've dealt with little bouts of anorexia throughout my life. However, this time I am in control. Not this ghost of anorexia that whispers in my ear at every meal. (Don't worry, y'all. John already gave me Portia di Rossi's book "Unbearable Lightness" as an early Christmas gift.) I'm going to do what I can to boost my metabolism at least back to where is was before the medicine had its way with it and I am determined to be positive and happy during the process. *pounds fist on desk to show determination* Also, on a less frightening and embarrassing note, I would like to learn to be a better photographer next year. My sister, Maren, and her new husband-bear, Brett, are such good photographers that they have inspired me to learn. =D
~The importance of mints~

Eeeheehee! Ah, mints. I love stories of actresses that would eat onions and garlic right before love scenes to make their costar really act his tux tails off. xD I try to have gum or mints in my purse or in the car so that John and I can both be fresh-breathed people for the majority of the time. The sad thing is when you're the cook and you chop the garlic, you're hands smell like garlic, anyway. xD Good for vampire-warding.
~Take a picture of your favorite color~
I'm like Maren in that I love all the colors. I'll think pink is my favey, but then I'll see something purple and melt a little bit out of pure need for the cuteness of purple. Mint, sea green, orange, red, turquoise, yellow, green.... I love them all! So much that my decorating goal in our new place (which goal is WAY behind, btw) to just make sure to use color. I used to use beige and very light colors all the time. No longer! My first decorating with color purchase was a green and white polka dot spoon rest. I'd take a picture, but it's in the wash (though opening the dishwasher and getting a cool drippy photo could be cool... I'll let you know if it works heehee) so for now I'll use the pic that made me need it. xD

It even came with a big white bow tied around the handle. =D Love it.
~My Favorite TV Dad~
Well, it's actually no contest on this one. I love Bill Cosby!



Of course, I don't believe any rumors about him. Believe what y'all want, but I believe in him. People even tried to make Fred Rogers look like some predator. You try to do good and some will always try to make it look like you got something horrible out of it cause you're actually a force of evil. Pff. And, in any case, what was that story I heard that time about a first stone? Anyway, I love Mr. Cosby. (Aka, Dr. Huxtable, yay!) He had awesome times of wisdom, but also times of idiocy as a father on The Cosby Show. It might not technically count, but I love his story from his stand-up about when his wife asks him to make the kids breakfast so he lets them have chocolate cake. xD "Dad is great! Gives us the chocolate cake!" Hahaha. Awesome-ocity. Whether he was an owl or a dope, though, the main thing that was always clear was how much he cares about family. How much he cares about people. He's a good man.
~A Woman That Makes Me Proud~
Well, I obviously need to tip my hat to Oprah first. (Yeah, the brown newsboy hat from the earlier post is the one doing the tipping. xD Gasp! o.o Maybe Mr. Cosby is why I like those! :O ) Oprah does so much for people. And Ellen Degeneres. Both of those women have overcome a lot of intolerance and injustice in their worlds to become amazing, powerful women. But, those are such easy answers. Hm... Oh, silly me. Of course. Rachael Ray. A complaint I've heard frequently about Rachael is that she is "too happy." I always want to turn to the source and ask if that could possibly bother them because they are not happy. I love that about her! I admire her joy and energy and want to become that way. She is the one that got me cooking. (Sorry, Mom, I know you tried.) I saw her chopping garlic and thought, "You know what? I could do that." And I did. And I got fresh herbs. And gourmet ingredients. I branched out into spices and breads and cheeses. And I realized I love cooking. And you know why? Because when I'm cooking I become very focused. Like piano does for me. I focus on the different ingredients and techniques and different dishes I'm cooking at once and making sure the cooking times line up... and all that anxiety and worry in my head just SHUTS UP. I get into this hyperfocus that blocks out all the things pecking at me all the time and I create something that smells and tastes beautiful. And Rachael brought me that and she's bringing that to many people and children around the world. In her early twenties she was living in Manhattan and was mugged twice. The first time, she sprayed him with mace and he took off. But, he came back - as he had been casing outside her apartment building - and later dragged her down an alley and beat her up quite badly. She moved back upstate to her home and family. But, when her career started budding and she needed to go back to Manhattan, she did it. How much strength is that? It reminds me of John and the turning point of his life - he said he looked fear in the face and told it to f@#$ off. Sorry, but the french is all that packs the right punch. He related that motto to a fellow soldier who had suffered severe leg injuries and was trying to make it through basic training and it changed the guy's life. And when we got to Fort Bragg, he was stationed here and very respected. :) That's the kind of inspiration I get from Rachael Ray.
~Something I Could Be Famous For~
Well, lotsa stuff. Falling down... saying weird things when I'm sleepy... I think the main thing that I could be famous for, though, is my pausing ability. For some reason every time I pause a show, movie, what have you, I capture a hilarious moment on screen. I admit it is a gift. There have been some so hilarious that we took pics with our phones. Sadly, they were all with our old phones! Gah! The best one was of Scrooge McDuck during Mickey's Christmas Carol. It was epic. Googly cross-eyed Scrooge poking his head out of his bed curtains. I accept calls in the evenings. If you'd like an autographed funny pause pic, send a self-addressed stamped envelope and I will take care of the rest.
There we go. Officially caught up! =D Phew!

I Wish I Could Cook...

I wish I could cook more often than I do. I wish I had more energy more often. I mean, have you watched Rachael Ray? She is straight up zippy and gets everything made so quickly and simply. I am getting better with practice, though. =)
I also wish I were better at cooking meat and fish. I do okay, but I wish I had expert knowledge about it. It comes with time and experience, though. It's like dough - you just know when it's right and it can't really be taught. You just make it enough that you know when the dough is perfect.
I'd like to cook more fancy dishes more often. I made some gorgeous panna cotta with raspberry coulis a while ago and it was so good and so simple to make. I'm going to try my hand at some pomegranate panna cotta soon. Last time I made vanilla bean, which was lovely. This will be good, too, I think. With candied orange peel garnish. And I found Bobby Flay's recipe for Crepes Suzette and it sounds divine. I wish I had a crepe pan, but I always make due. Though, I'm so excited to get the blue Le Creuset dutch oven I have on my wish list for amazon. Everyone needs a good dutch oven.

I'd still like to go to cooking school, too. Once we figure out the programs and how we'll work the finances, we could do it. I'd like to just fancy the pants off some dishes! Having Alton Brown as my personal tutor would be cool. He does everything the hardest and longest way possible, but he knows his stuff.
Wow, I feel the essay-tendency coming on. I compulsively need to write that in summation I wish I could cook more often, cook meat and fish better, cook fancier, and learn to cook better on the whole. Man, all I did for all that time in school was crank out dopey essays. Well, at least I got a trilobite out of college, eh? xD

My Favorite Hat

Hm... I'm not sure where my favorite hat is at the moment, but it's this brown hat John and I got together at Target a long time ago. It's kind of that puffy newsboy style that was popular for like 5 minutes. We got it around Thanksgiving time, so I wore it at Thanksgiving. xD It was our first married Thanksgiving. That was the time I experimented and made cinnamon whipped cream for the pumpkin pie and made little leaves from the leftover dough to put on top of the pie. My pie this year worked really well, by the by. The difference in elevation just made it creamier and nummier. (I realized recently that when they do the weather here they do a beach forecast. I live somewhere with a beach forecast!!! Awesome possum!!!)
Ok... I'll give you a picture of me in the hat. It's actually my favorite picture from that Thanksgiving.


It's my favorite picture cause of how cute Johnny is in it. =) He's so dreamy. =>

If I Found $100 on the Ground...

This has actually happened to John before. Not long after he first came out to Fort Bragg, we were very low on money. I was still in Utah and we both were doing our best to make it. As with any job, it took a while before we got our first paycheck and waiting it out was getting a bit ... thin. xD And John was walking from his barracks to the PX or somewhere and he did find a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. He hadn't had any blankets to sleep with or a pillow and he needed some other things. So he made that money last and last. He was able to buy some ramen and soy sauce and a pillow. A friend let him borrow his spare comforter. And he was ok. That was kind of a miracle for us.
But, if I found $100 on the ground tonight when out shopping or such, after I started breathing again, I would buy a little Christmas tree and some presents for Johnny and the kitties. :) Even if it weren't Christmastime, I'd probably but presents for John. I love to surprise him and make his eyes sparkle and watch him obsess over the new whatever-it-is. Especially if it's electronic. I wish I could get him an ipad or a super luxurious fancy-pants laptop mouse. And, of course, a Wii. (M comes out soon, after all. -- That's the new Metroid game, since pretty much NONE of my gaming friends read my blog. Gr to them. Gr.)
The best thing about giving Johnny presents is how much he appreciates it. When someone's had literally nothing before in life, giving them something freaking rocks! I so understand why Oprah has her Favorite Things episodes. Giving someone something awesome when they do not expect it AT ALL is so fun. (Romance tip from Finding Forrester: "Unexpected gift, unexpected time." Especially if you're dating. You follow this tip and you're golden. ;) )
So, yup. If I found 100 bucks, I'd blow it on Johnny. Hahahaha! xD

Shoes.

Ah, shoesies. =D I do love shoes. I just don't have very many. And not for a lack of trying, mind you. For this I blame my father. Not because of his frugality, but because I genetically inherited his long, narrow feet! If I can't buckle or lace a pair on, they will most likely get left behind, no matter how tight I grip with my toes. I can get them a size too small and short so my toes are squished and it doesn't matter. The width is the problem. So slip-ons of any sort are out. I have just accepted it. And the buckling and lacing varieties are difficult to fit me in their own right. Sadly, this bars me from so many of the adorable shoes out there. But I think I should definitely start trying harder! xD I wish I had a girl here to shop with, but John does his best. He also is always honest about whether the style is "me" or not and he is also aware of our $ so he keeps me realistic. One day I'll win a shopping spree or something. That would be awesome. Here are some shoes I think are "me" (or that I want to force to be "me").


A pair I would shuffle in to keep them on just so I could wear them. I love polka dots and I love this raspberry color. =)


Tweed converse! How awesome is that? And I think I might just be cool enough to pull them off -- with the right pants.



I need some cute pink girly strappy bowy shoes! Shoes that just make you feel so feminine and pretty.



Mary Janes are a must! And with 3 straps, just dare these babies to fall off! I love them.

Some feminine Merrells are just the thing. I love this gray and raspberry mix. Merrells are my sneaker brand - they are narrow enough to really hug my feet. I'll pay any price for that comfort! And, I've gotta say, they make some pretty cute kicks.


I want some shoes gorgeous enough and fancy enough that the word "gala" comes to mind. These would go so beautifully with that idyllic little black dress.


Just because. Every women needs some shoes just because, just for the fun of it. Shoes make women feel feminine and sweet and pretty and special without any trauma about how fat they feel or how good they used to look. Shoes just fit and make you feel beautiful and women need that. I could really use that soon. This medication has destroyed my figure - the gain is now over 40 pounds and shredding me inside. If I hadn't been dieting and exercising and trying so hard... if it happened more gradually... if I felt like I had some kind of control of anything to do with it... Shoes make you forget about that and give you hope that maybe you are still as cute as they are.

Circles

Well, I am going to be slightly unoriginal with my circles. But, I think y'all will like them, just the same. Because kitties seem to be at their cutest when they curl up. Miles loves to lay on Johnny's legs when he's using his laptop and he ALWAYS falls asleep and squiches around in a little circle, sometimes jamming his paw into his face. (I love it!) I didn't catch any paw-jamming, but I did catch some sleepy.


As for Zoe-bear, she has developed a fascination with water. She loves to play in the sink. (And knock the soap over, and upset Miles's water bowl regularly, and leave a little trail of wet paw prints across the sheets and snuggle Mama's face with wet fur. Hahaha!) She has especially enjoyed taking naps in the sink, so when I found her lounging there today I thought it would be perfect to have both kitty circled for my post.

A lot going on...

I meant to post yesterday and talk about my worst date, but Thanksgiving was wow. Since I've been scaling down my medication I've been experiencing withdrawals (It's fantastic!) so I didn't even get started until around 4 pm. But I made my pumpkin dessert - it's basically pumpkin pie, but square, with a crust with oats in the dough, and a brown sugary nutty topping. Then I worked on the dressing and the yams. I completely forgot about the mashed potatoes and corn (doh!). We had decided to bread some turkey cutlets for our Thanksgiving. So I pounded them out (no meat mallet - I use my fists, baby!), seasoned them, floured, egged, breaded, and placed them in a couple of tablespoons of oil. When it came time to turn them, the pan was getting a little dry and my evoo was out. So, instead of opening my new bottle, I put a little veg oil in and turned the cutlets over. Of course, they were sizzling and sputtering. As I pulled them off the heat, the geometry and physics were all just right and a minuscule drop of hot oil spat up from the pan and DIRECTLY INTO MY OPEN EYE. We hurriedly flooded my eye with cold water and I made the gravy. It's been sore and irritated and we're keeping an eye on it (pun intended! hyuckhyuck) and putting drops in regularly. At least now I have another one-up-ya pain story for conversation. (The only way I can be thankful for the experience. Cause, I gotta tell you: OW.) It was a yummy potatoless meal. Johnny set the table and we had a candlelit Thanksgiving and it turned out to be a wonderful night. And the leftovers will have potatoes today, mark my words. ;)
So, yesterday's post:

~The worst date ever.~
My worst date was my first date, which happened to be prom. A tall, pale, red-haired boy in my creative writing class had gotten to know my friend, Dianna, and I a little bit. One day at lunch he asked her to go into the hall with him and he asked her to prom. Her parents had a rule she had to be 16 to date so she declined. Then he asked me into the hall and asked me. Sloppy seconds is always SO flattering. I was already 16 and hadn't been asked out before, so I didn't know the tactful art of telling a boy that I'm not interested. (I got good at it during college. The art of hurting a little now to avoid hurting a lot later has been mastered.) So, I said I'd go and he gave me the stupid teddy bear he'd already offered Dianna and I began dreading. At my high school, having a "day date" was trendy, so we were going to have one. He picked me up in the morning, I can't even remember what time, to go skating at a nearby rink that had been steadily going out of style but gets a lot of business around dance-time. There was one other couple that had been dating for quite some time in our group. Oh, and his mom decided to be his chauffeur and camerawoman. -.- We got to the rink a solid hour early. His mother had already driven away to go to the salon, so we killed time at a nearby gas station reading greeting cards and smelling candles. When they opened the doors at the rink we rented our skates and started skating in circles. Much later, we had some pizza at the little lunch counter the rink had. We skated more and when we sat at the side, the guy kept trying to hold my hand or put his arm around my waist. Did I mention it was also his first date ever? Finally, his mother picked us up and I went home and put bandages on my blisters, as we had been at that blasted rink for 6 HOURS. The longest of my life. My mom had made a beautiful prom dress for me, and my sister, Melinda, helped me with my hair and make-up. His mom pulled up and he came to the door with a corsage bracelet for me. We walked to the car with his mother filming us the whole way. Then the guy from the other couple held the camera while my date gave his mother a corsage, as well. At least it was a magic moment for her... We had dinner at a nice place with his mother a couple of tables away. I was too nervous to eat much. In the car on our way to the dance, I also witnessed my date dabbing some concealer on his facial blemishes, which highly disturbed me... At the dance itself, my date had a lot of punch - which had been spiked with something that I guess made frequent bathroom trips necessary. Several times I was left in the middle of the dance floor alone as my date bolted toward the bathroom. We spent most of the night sitting at one of the tables not talking though we made attempts at conversation. At last his mom drove us away from the dance and I didn't even hug him at the door. I hurried inside so he wouldn't see me crying. And we pretty much never talked again...
I got better at dating and went to Homecoming at 3 different schools the next year and had a lot of fun, just by the by. And soon there was John. => The first date was just the worst date ever. :S

My Superstitions

When I was a kid I used to watch that cartoon with Donald Duck where he avoids going under the ladder and doesn't like the number 13 and runs away from the black cat. He breaks a mirror and will get seven years bad luck. There are so many - don't put your hat on the bed, put a horse shoe above the door, rub a rabbit's foot (I had one when I was little and now I'm like... ew! a dead thing's foot dyed red and key-chained? You kidding me?), pick up pennies, don't step on a crack... Hahaha. I also loved Bernard in The Rescuers skipping the thirteenth step. Somewhere along the line, though, I forgot about a lot of it. I would have a lucky pencil for tests, though, and I wore a kind of lucky necklace that said "imagine" and a moonstone ring (from when I read The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins - not any Twilight stuff, ew) every day for a long time. Now, I basically feel like if you believe in something, that's what gives it power. Whether it be good or bad. And I figure why not believe something's lucky? Can't hurt anything. I'm not going to believe I'm cursed or in bad stuff, though. Haha. Along the same lines of the people who have a positive outlook on life seem to have a good life. Looking at Nigella Lawson's life, she lost her mother, sister, and husband to cancer. But, she's so positive and keeps going. She remarried and loves her kids and makes yumminess on tv and tells the world she'd rather have a larger size pant and enjoy food and life than spend life skimping on it and worrying about her waistline. She has every excuse to give up and be sad forever, but she doesn't do it. She believes in love and happiness and they are real for her. I want to be that way, believing in life and sporting my good luck charms. =D

The worst phone call ever.

The worst phone call ever for me would be the one I'm always waiting for. Before John was a soldier, he was a driver and it was a very dangerous job, considering how many souls are taken by traffic accidents every year. And now my Johnny will be deployed next year. It's not like he's infantry on the front lines or anything, but it still is a little scary that he will be so far away for so long. The worst phone call would be the one telling me that something has happened to him. Or that emotionally-distanced knock at the door. I hope I would know - that I would feel something. But, who knows? I just hope that I can be strong if it ever happens. One of my college roommates lost her husband almost two years ago, the day after Christmas. It was very sudden. It's horrifying how easily and how quickly it can happen. I can't even imagine the hollow feeling of continuing to get up day after day. Complete anguish. Seeing one toothbrush by the sink, the fridge magnets arranged as before, leftovers in the fridge... Just the pain of each time John has to leave for a while - last Christmas I was without him with the kidney infection - creates such a void. You work around it and pretend it isn't there, but it's an unending ache. It never gets easier, it never goes away. My dear roommate... I don't know how she has been so strong. It should never happen to someone so young with so much possibility. It makes me wish I could heal peoples' pain. So, if that worst phone call ever comes and changes everything forever, I hope I can be like her. Her strength and beauty has been inspiring to me.

It scares me, but I like it.

I enjoy creepy! Not gory so much, not scary so much. Creepy. =) Like how you don't see the shark much in Jaws. Or walking through a haunted forest and hearing noises. Ghost stories. Tales of legendary beasts lurking somewhere in an area with dozens of people that swear they have seen it, but no evidence has been found yet. NOT leprechauns, just to clarify. That's not creepy at all. Leave the rich little person alone. I so wanted Paranormal Activity to be creepier than it was. The dinosaur footprints the demon supposedly left ruined it for me. (Especially when John laughed out loud in the theater and everyone glowered at us...) Vampire stuff, zombie stuff, creature features... not that great for me. Blood and guts and all that are just kinda there and not that scary. (Maybe I'd have been fine taking anatomy in college. Hm..) A voice calling your name when you are alone in a desert area - like the djinn. Djinns are creepy. =D Hearing flapping in a forest supposedly inhabited by the Jersey Devil. The sound of footsteps behind you and turning around to find nothing there. I love that! Shadows moving around blocking out the moonlight streaming in the windows when you are positive you are alone. Something in a mirror that isn't there when you turn around. Seeing a person slowly crossing a street in the light of a streetlamp, then looking again and seeing no one anywhere. The unexplainable creepy is what I love the most. Eeeheehee!