Catching a Current

A lot of difficult decisions have been hovering in our world for the past few months. John lost his job while he was at his training for the National Guard. After searching for about three months he was able to find a part-time job working the graveyard shift at a home for troubled teenage boys as a mentor. He's done well as a mentor and he's been looking for a new or additional job since then with no luck. I had been planning to apply for sponsorship by a professor once school started (I would help a professor with his/her research and get paid for it). But, things have gotten a little too thin and we decided we need a change in our lives.
John loves being in the military, so, after thinking about it a lot, we've decided to move further in that direction. John has started the process of transferring from the National Guard to the active Army. That way the military can be his career. It will be difficult. But, things have been difficult so far, as well. Yes, he could be deployed, but if I wasn't okay with that I wouldn't have let him join the National Guard at all. This way we'll get to live a lot of different places and in a little while we could more easily start a family this way.
School has been taking a long time for me and at this point only one of us can have our dream. I love Geology, but I love John more and I want to give that to him. So, I've withdrawn from BYU. And for now I really don't want to imagine that someday I'll be able to go back to school and finish. I've gone back to school once already - I've been the old one in the classes and I've tried to pull it off and I don't know if that will happen again or if I'll want it to. I want to let this go and move forward. I don't want to spend my life hanging on to maybes, mights, coulds, and somedays. It will hurt more to hold on to it. Sometimes, letting the hope fall away is a relief. Geology is only one side of me - there are many more and I will keep growing no matter what. Nothing's going to keep me down. :)
It could take a few months for John to get the signatures needed and to go through all of the processing he'll need to. He will basically be re-entering the military, so he'll need to get a physical exam again and things like that. He won't have to go through Basic Training again, though. If they don't have an opening for his current MOS as a Flight Ops guy, he will need to reclassify and do some training again, though. We'll have to figure that out when we get to that point. Things are fairly uncertain at this point - things could go smoothly and we could move in a couple of months, or it could take longer and John could have to reclassify.
It's difficult to have things so up in the air and not under our control, but the idea of changes ahead is comforting to me. I've always wanted to see new places, I didn't ever really want to stay in Utah for the rest of my life. And it's exciting to think that we could end up in Washington, Japan, Hawaii, Germany, Italy, Alabama... anywhere. It's exciting and scary -- rather intimidating, but I think it will be good for us. Things have felt like we were treading water for a while and now it feels like we're going to catch hold of a current (one that's really slow at first but will pick up fast later ;). We'll be together. That's all we need, right?
But, no matter where we go, a wisp of us will be anchored here in this patch of internet. =)

#6

Saturday, August 15th, was our 6th wedding anniversary. :) John has had his 2-week-long military duty (AT) going on this past week, though, so I was nervous that I'd spend the day alone and being pathetically sad. We've been stressing out trying to figure out what we are going to do about our living and working situations. John hasn't slept well and has actually been getting a little sick from worrying about it so much. Thursday one of his sargeants called him in, said he could tell something is on John's mind, and invited him to talk about it. While they were talking, John also mentioned that he had just learned he would be working until midnight on our anniversary, so his sargeant said he'd do his best to help John have the evening off.
So, Saturday I was getting ready to go shopping for groceries and John called my cell phone from the car on his way home! Joy hardly describes it. So, Johnny and I shopped together at Harmon's, my very favorite store based mainly on how nice the produce and meat always are there. We were able to pick up a nice thick lamb chop for a couple of dollars. I thought a lamb dinner would be lovely for our anniversary. However, after I finished making the pesto I got very dizzy and tired and sick; I'm hypoglycemic and was crashing pretty badly. I had to go lay on the bed where John quizzed me about what I had eaten that day. I realized all I'd had that day was a piece of banana bread and some string cheese! I had gotten so excited about John coming home that I neglected eating. *tsk tsk* So John bundled me into the car and took me to Village Inn where we had a surprisingly romantic dinner. The color came back to my cheeks and everything started to feel better. My Johnny always takes good care of me. And we had a beautiful lamb dinner last night. :)
Marrying John was the easiest decision I've ever made. I knew life wouldn't be easy. I also knew that I'd never loved anyone that much. And, though I didn't think it possible, I love him so much more now. We've hit our bumps in the road and thought we were down and out, but we've stuck together through it. He is the core of my soul. He makes me feel so beautiful. I'm looking forward to many more years together. =)

Dream Within A Dream

My cat, Miles, has bad dreams. I had never heard of a cat dreaming before. He'll be curled up and asleep, sometimes making cute little sleeping noises - or snoring :/ - and his eyes will move a little, like people's eyes do when they dream. Then his little lips will twitch and his feet will start twitching and flexing and his tail will swish. Sometimes he'll make little crying noises, but usually he starts growling to scare the bad dream away. I'll wake him up (because if I let it progress too far he explodes awake and runs around terrified until he realizes where he is - and if you were what he was sleeping on you get scratched from those sharp little back claws) by starting to pick him up and moving him around and talking to him. He usually jerks awake and hisses, unless you catch it early enough, but then I keep talking to him and he looks around and remembers where he is and who I am.

Miles has always been the weirdest little cat, prone to acting like a person, especially by copying John. We've had him turn off the lights before by jumping up and letting his paw drag down the wall until it pulls the switch down with him. Another time - this event is famous - he was lying happily in the path of our fan and I turned it off so we could leave. Miles huffily got up, stalked over, stood up on his hind legs, and punched one of the buttons with his paw, creating a breeze once more, and languidly flopped back in its path, his tummy exposed to the cool air. We've also watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door behind himself... though he had some trouble getting back out on his own. ;)

Our favorite pastime is playing "volleyball" with him. We'll take a toy ball or some crumpled up paper and toss it to him and he'll spike it back with one paw, sometimes jumping to reach it. He'll lob it back over and over again. I'm trying to get a good, short enough clip of him playing it to put on here (that doesn't consist of just watching me go to fetch the ball to throw again -- sometimes I wonder if he tells his friends all that he's trained ME to do!).
I love my little kitty like crazy. :) He's 4 years old but still wild and fun, meaning he does still hide and try to trip me when I walk down the hall - I just feel something soft grab my foot and I'll look back to see a furry little arm disappearing. :D And wherever we go, he's gotta go with us. And I will always wonder what my furry little boy is dreaming about.

Paused Today

Today has been an excellent day. Johnny and I made some homemade potato dill soup and then some peach cobbler together (Miles has gotten obsessed with peach cobbler and comes running and meowing when we open the fridge, hoping for some, so we made some more for him...).
Then we decided to watch Kenneth Branaugh's Hamlet. It's about 5 hours long, but never boring! John hasn't heard the story of Hamlet before, so it's been fun to watch it with him for his first time. I have always loved when the ghost of Hamlet's father comes to him and says, "I am thy father's spirit." It gives me goosebumps every time, reading or watching. I am always freshly amazed with the talent Branaugh has for Shakespeare's lines. They are so easy to understand when he's acting them, with his crisp diction and his clear emotions. Also Derek Jacobi is in the cast, playing King Claudius. I fell for Jacobi when I saw his portrayal of Cyrano de Bergerac. His lines ring out in honeyed tones that leave me spellbound and hanging from each word. Even as an oddly blonde villain, I love the guy. :) We didn't get a chance to finish it before John had to go to work - we took a couple of breaks - but I am so excited to keep watching together tomorrow.
Finances have been tight lately, but we decided to live dangerously tonight and went through the drive-thru at Burger King. I got a kids' meal and John got a sandwich and we headed off; John knew about this little street that just ends in the middle of a field at the edge of a busy part of town. So, we turned around and parked at the end and ate our food and watched the sunset. Little tiny bugs played on the windshield and we talked about nonsense and laughed and listened to mellow tunes. We stopped at the store on the way home to use the last of the cash we had to pick up a bottle of Sangria - one of the drinks we adore - and headed home to some leftover peach cobbler and a little more Hamlet before John had to leave for his graveyard shift.
Though life can be stressful, in the hardest of times it's like we'll suddenly find this plateau of happiness where we realize God does remember us and he gives us this perfect day where we can just be together and just be us. A day that just swells with cozy. :) As if we were able to pause a movie at the best part. I needed a day like that today.