Goaling.

I've decided that as I get older I want to really... sink into myself. I want to become very comfortable with who I am. I want to master myself and my world. So, I've been thinking of some goals about me that I want to reach sometime someday.
I want to become a really good cook. Maybe even go to culinary school. But, there are some awesome chefs that are self-taught. I want to make chocolate souffle. I want to have a big gas range stove with a hood thing over it for when I flambe. I want two ovens (I could make cookies AND like, a chicken). I love making John taste what I'm cooking -- when it's good he closes his eyes and says, "Perfect." I surpass cloud 9 at that moment. Hey, maybe someday we'll have a diner somewhere that we work at all day every day together and love it.
I'd like to really mold and craft my body into a tool that I can use for whatever I need. Any hike Geology needs. Running away from or after bad guys (hey, it could happen). I always watch scary movies and think, "I'd have been so winded I'd have asked the freak to kill me by now." I want to accomplish things like runs or big hikes or something. I want to be in amazing shape like John is. He surpassed teenagers in his training. He's at the top of his game right now and loving it. I want to have that kind of self-control and understanding, as well. And I want to be healthy. If I have to live long, I don't really want it to suck. Plus, I want to become proficient in a martial art. I want to feel capable and confident... even powerful.
I must travel. I'm tired of Utah. It's got really cool Geology. Geez, I'd even taking seeing Southern Utah at this point. I just need some experiences. I need memories of different scenery that aren't from some movie. I want to SEE the Taj Mahal. The Nile. The Eiffel Tower. Tokyo (it has a ton of stuff). A white elephant. I want to go somewhere, I want to BE something. I'm so tired of just hearing about it. I WILL see those fjords in Norway before I die. I just have to.
And I want to someday have some sweet little kids with Johnny. I want to treat our family like the individual creature it will be. I don't want it to be normal or traditional or whatever. I want it to be us and what I really want is to understand my kids. Whatever religion or sexuality or lifestyle they end up in... I want to be able to talk to them with no walls in their eyes. I want to love each other, whatever it costs. There's been too much pulling apart. I don't know how to do it... I don't even know if I can really be that good mom I want to be. But, it's a goal I'd like to pursue and trying to get there ought to do some good, anyway. (Whoa... do you feel the serious? Change of pace ahead.)
And of course: I want to have soooo many fossils and rocks and minerals. My kids will have the most awesome rock collections for school! I want like a teradactyl hanging from my living room ceiling. (I am getting so excited right now.) And that expensive countertop that has ammonites and gastropods in it all sliced and polished on the top. And a fridge that looks like a closet -- unrelated, but just while we're in that area. I don't want the usual knick knacks about -- there will be coolness of minerals and such on our surfaces that we get annoyed dusting around. There will be glass cabinets for the no-touchy items, of course. OOH! And a petrified wood staircase! Boo-yah! *pant pant* The coolness is escalating in my head. Solar panels on the roof because we care about the Earth (Geology = study of the Earth). And I've always wanted a water wheel... we might have to head a few centuries back for that one... ah, well.
So, I feel much more of a zest for life now. I am definitely looking forward to these things happening -- even if I only get the staircase... no the counters... gah! Decisions will be made later... ;)