Remembering priorities.

After hours and hours of frustration and already getting behind in all of my classes, I decided I actually do not want to try to deal with Chemistry and Calculus together again. So, I dropped Calculus today. My teacher was good and my class had some good people in it. I just can't do it again this time. They say you need to study outside of class 3 hours for every class credit. Calc. is 4 credits, so I'd need to devote, according to them, at least 12 hours a week to just Calc. homework. And since I was receiving two assignments a day in the class, let's just say the quota was going to be met, if not exceeded. But, then I also need to study 9 hours for Chemistry, 9 hours for Technical writing, 2 hours for the Physical Geology lab (though I'll spend at least double that because I have the reading load of a 3 credit class for a 1 credit lab, besides the time I'll be spending on the labs themselves)... And, you know, I'd like to unpack the rest of my clothes. I'd like to clean my clothes. I'd like to have time to cook dinner. I'd like to have some time to relax and talk to John on the phone. So, I dropped it. I plan on taking it during the summer. I know it will be ridiculously intense and so on, but it will be my only class, so I can give it all the attention necessary. The math lab will have considerably fewer people in it, so I can get help more than once every two hours. I think it might work out. And if not, well I'll take it again. Besides, with John coming home in February, I want to give him some time and also help him look for a job. I might end up getting a job, too, so the ridiculously light class load I have right now might be a good idea. Maybe I made a mistake. But, I'm gonna live with it. I want to feel like I understand something again. I want to nail these classes and bring up my GPA from the C+'s I got in Calc. and Chem. last semester. Also, my grandmother is having some health problems, so I might need to go up there with my mom some weekends to help her with her housework and shopping. She's my mom's mom. She's amazing. She worked while my mom was growing up to help support the family. Breast cancer survivor. And in general a tough cookie. I really look up to her.

John almost got stuck in a closet while talking to me today. He was going all over trying to find a quiet place for us to talk, trying to escape the noisy hormone-machines (aka teenage boys) that need to scream and run around for no apparent reason. So, he hid in an industrial closet for a while until the noise even carried through the door. When he went to open the door, it stuck. He did manage to get it open, but it was funny while it lasted. He is so adorable. He got to take a finances class today, which is awesome. (We need all the help we can get with this economy.) But, honestly, if we never make much money and never have many "things," I just want to be with my Johnny. And there's nothing wrong with hard work -- "some of the happiest people I know go home smelling to high heaven" or whatever it is the quote says in Bruce Almighty. It's true. Hard work brings a sense of accomplishment. We'll be fine. No matter what. I'd live in cardboard for that man. Because he is the most beautiful soul I know. When he looks at me, it's like I'm wrapped in light. I have everything. So, if I don't succeed in college or if we don't climb the supposed success-scale, no matter. We'll do what we have to do for our family. We're not easily broken.