Let's give it a try.

I've always been a very shy person. For some reason I always assume people won't like me. Probably because I always had trouble liking me. But, even now, reaching out feels foreign to me. There have been many abrasions on my emotional being, so now I've found it less worth it. I recently tried to make a new friend. We went shopping. And she became a mean person. She made disparaging comments about my clothes, my makeup, my body (which provoked the ghost of annorexia I live with). It made me remember why I'd stopped talking to people much. I have few friends. It's mostly because when someone hurts me or takes advantage of me, I pull away softly and suddenly and close. I detach very easily for some reason. But, as I talked to John and cried because apparently this chick thinks I have "big hips" I said, "Maybe that's the way her mom talks to her." Probably not, but it helped the sting go away. So, I'm trying to develop a thicker skin that can take a hit, but I still want to let people know when they've crossed a line and have friends that are nice to me. (No being a doormat.) I've been letting myself get closer to my family (both sides). And I still want to make friends. And maybe I'll get hurt again -- actually I will definitely get hurt again -- but I don't care. Because even though that girl turned out to be mean-spirited, hell, at least I tried. Cause I think the kind of person I am is directly related to how I treat people. So, I should probably talk to some people to start with. ;) This is one of the things I so admire about my Johnny. Everyone loves him -- they can't help it. He makes you feel like you are the only person in the world. You feel like he understands (which he does, by the way). He makes friends easily. I want to be free like that, caring like that. So, here's to trying. Because, hey, I'm finding there's nobody that doesn't like a sweet fossil!