Far-sighted

An odd thing happened today. I enjoyed a funeral. I went to the funeral mentioned in my previous post this morning expecting it to be very sad and tragic-stricken. It had every reason to be. My friend's husband died the day after Christmas (I still don't know what happened) in his mid-twenties. But, it was warm and beautiful. His friends and family told funny stories about him and there was a lot of laughter. It was a funeral that felt like they really believed they'd see him again. It was awesome. His wife handled herself beautifully. She is so strong. I'd always thought so back when we lived together, but I was amazed by her today. And I got to give her my hug. It made me want to be a better person, listening to their stories and seeing how much people loved him. It makes a person think about how their own funeral would be. And who you'd want to talk at your funeral and all sorts of things you don't generally think about.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I'm afraid of leaving my Johnny behind. I'd rather die last because I would rather take the pain of that time than leave him here alone. We actually have had odd little fake fights about who gets to go first. And made pacts to come back and haunt each other. But, seriously, my time with him has been the best of my life.
It was cool to come home cheerful from a funeral. Puts things in perspective. It feels like I can see through the sky.