Just got home from dropping John off for his flight. First time alone. We usually had some good friends drive with us and say goodbye and go to IHOP for pancakes after or something. This time I only had to drive a little ways in the rain - the rain is always with me when I need it - and hugged tight in the parking lot and cried softly and said goodbye. Then he walked into the building and I drove home. I did fine until I closed the front door and then let it out. And hugged patient kitties who had to wash the tears out of their furses with only slight annoyance (mostly on Miley's part - he's freakishly clean). I already had a text from him on my phone telling me how I was still in the parking lot and he already missed me like mad. *sigh of cute-Johnniness* I had a swig of root beer (no really, the hard stuff wouldn't do it for me like some good old A&W does hahaha) and now I'm listening to Lovedrug (perfect music for when you're in pain) and telling you guys that I'll be ok. John drew me some maps to show me how to get to the places I need to go. He's such a sweetie-head.
They had changed the day he'd be leaving like 3 times. I gave up on correcting my blog post. Hahaha. Turned out most of the people going were wanting to stay for the memorial service for their suddenly departed comrade and since John wasn't as close to him as the others and he just happens to have his stuff together and be qualified for what they'll need done, he's going down earlier than everyone else with the gear. He's dependable like that. So, this morning around 5 am was the time.
I'm learning I'm not easily broken anymore. That's a good thing.
I love him so much. I can feel the lesions on my soul searing again having him ripped away again. (Like it had tons of bandaids and someone obnoxiously pulled 1/3 of them off agonizingly slowly and then yanked off the rest too fast so that you scream like a schoolgirl and have some bleeding. hahaha I have the weirdest analogies.) But, I can take it like I learned to take physical pain (cause when the doctor hits a nerve when he's giving you a cortizone shot in the back you just gotta take it): it's just pain, just accept it, just feel it, and then just let it go. Let it drift up like smoke and fade - it's not gone but it's not so evident.
And I'm going to clean this place while he's gone! And unpack! And decorate! And hopefully still be able to find everything when I'm done! xD I love y'all for reading and being there. I wouldn't be as strong if I didn't know you were there. *hugs*
Extra thing about me:
Where do you dream of going someday?
Easy. The fjords of Norway. (Geology lesson: canyons are v-shaped and created by a river, while fjords are u-shaped and created by a glacier.) They are so beautiful and I love Norway and it's simplicity and glory. =D
They had changed the day he'd be leaving like 3 times. I gave up on correcting my blog post. Hahaha. Turned out most of the people going were wanting to stay for the memorial service for their suddenly departed comrade and since John wasn't as close to him as the others and he just happens to have his stuff together and be qualified for what they'll need done, he's going down earlier than everyone else with the gear. He's dependable like that. So, this morning around 5 am was the time.
I'm learning I'm not easily broken anymore. That's a good thing.
I love him so much. I can feel the lesions on my soul searing again having him ripped away again. (Like it had tons of bandaids and someone obnoxiously pulled 1/3 of them off agonizingly slowly and then yanked off the rest too fast so that you scream like a schoolgirl and have some bleeding. hahaha I have the weirdest analogies.) But, I can take it like I learned to take physical pain (cause when the doctor hits a nerve when he's giving you a cortizone shot in the back you just gotta take it): it's just pain, just accept it, just feel it, and then just let it go. Let it drift up like smoke and fade - it's not gone but it's not so evident.
And I'm going to clean this place while he's gone! And unpack! And decorate! And hopefully still be able to find everything when I'm done! xD I love y'all for reading and being there. I wouldn't be as strong if I didn't know you were there. *hugs*
Extra thing about me:
Where do you dream of going someday?
Easy. The fjords of Norway. (Geology lesson: canyons are v-shaped and created by a river, while fjords are u-shaped and created by a glacier.) They are so beautiful and I love Norway and it's simplicity and glory. =D
2 comments:
Saying goodbye is the worst...even if it's just "see ya later" it still totally sucks, I'm sorry. But I love your resolve to clean and unpack and go to Norway to see the fjords (can I come?). :-) Will you guys be able to talk every night on the phone? I sure hope so, that really helped me when Jacob was gone for so long. If not (well, even if so), I hope the time passes quickly for you guys!
Thinking of you today :) You are a strong woman and I admire you for that. Keep writing your weird analogies. They're my favorite.
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