My Portable Mecca?

I always thought that there was SOMETHING that I needed to do. Some GREAT WORK I was destined for. Perhaps I would discover cold fusion! Or some Einstein-esque equation that gives another clue to the mysteries of the universe. I would write a great book that becomes a huge sensation and changes lives. I felt like I needed to be accomplishing greatness and I was behind schedule. I needed to start the amazingness at least in my twenties, since it didn't happen in my teens. A college degree was a definite must because I didn't seem to have any talents that stood out as greatness in the arts. Hahaha

And then I quit school and moved across the country with my baby bears (John and Miles). I had great plans of culinary school and chefery. White plates with some tiny edible art in the middle and decorative sauce dots strategically placed around it and a sprig of some herb whimsically sticking out of the top. And a line I love from Autumn in New York: "Food is the only beautiful thing that truly nourishes." I was excited. But, the program that helps military spouses attain education had been suspended because they ran out of money. And I realized we weren't making enormous amounts of cash and that it might not be possible right away.

And then I didn't care a lot. I've been realizing that everyone has felt those illusions of grandeur. But they find things that bump those unreachable ambitions out of the way. Cold fusion will have to wait for another day, another time. Families or a religious goal they work toward (the haaj, enlightenment, etc.) and so on. And last night, Johnny and I talked about this and how most people have a drive of that sort. But, I said I wasn't sure where mine was taking me anymore. He smiled and said he already got there. I looked at him wonderingly and he said, with an affection nudge at me with his foot, that his Mecca is always with him now. (Thought processes... O.O That's meh!!!) I blushed and nudged him back.
I don't want life to be aimless, as it often feels. But, I also just want to be happy with it and not waste it away hoping and look back and realize what I missed. So, anyway, I'm very thankful for what I have. A psychotic furry cat that suddenly runs sideways through a room making noises I didn't know a cat could make, and a cutie-head that I can quote random obscure movies or tv shows with and still find them funny after the 50th time. =) We've always just been doing what we needed to do so we could be together and be happy. We have let go of things that we found weren't making us happy and we have picked up things that we didn't expect would make us happy. So, this is my great work. Our relationship (including the kitty... I know he's somewhere reading over my shoulder...). The rest of it... I'm just going to find what I enjoy and go where it takes me. Cause I've made it already. No other shot I take can matter to me as failure or success. I get to tickle the tummies of my success every day. (Mwahahahaha! >:D )