Jam Awakening

When I found out that the army had suspended it's program that helps military spouses pay for school, I guess I just didn't want to deal with another goal being taken away, so I pushed it away myself. I stopped watching Food Network (which was the station my tv was always on) and started watching the Biography channel. I stopped cooking in the way I used to love and just started fixing food - cereal, sandwiches... nothing with ambition or fancy. But, I've started to let it reignite, whether I can get some financial aid for cooking school or not. And then today I had a big return to the cheffy Christine. I was low on strawberry jam and low on $. Then I remembered some fancy, expensive jam I'd gotten a little while back and had never opened. I pushed aside the expired products in my fridge and pulled it out. Strawberry rhubarb jam. The ingredients listed strawberries and rhubarb and sugar and pectin.... and natural vanilla. Hm? I - eventually, through great effort - opened the jar and saw some of the little black dots on the lid that are the wonderful insides of a black vanilla bean. I smelled the jam... odd smell. Rhubarb smells funky anyway, though. So, I spread the jam on my bread, not exactly excited by its dark color. And then I licked the knife. *sweeping gesture of indescribable num* The vanilla complimented the two fruits so well! I immediately envisioned creating a sauce with the jam for some roasted chicken - perhaps with rosemary, we'll see - and the fulfillment of the savory and sweet to the palate. Then I slapped the peanut butter side on and reveled in my sandwich. =)
I'm enjoying deciding what ingredients I'm going to include in my egg salad for yet another sandwich tonight. Definitely some cayenne. >:D
This week I decided I was sick of sitting around being sad and took my life back from the anxiety. I've been working out at the gym every day since then and deciding what activities I want to invest myself in. It's like someone flipped some kind of switch inside me.. I guess I did... but I feel so wonderfully different. So empowered. So in control. And ready to live! =D
I'm back from wherever I was with whatever it was I needed. And finding rhapsodies in a jar of jam. xD