It's alright, have a good time, cause it's alright.

I hate it when John is right. And my mom... And Maren... I think even my dad is right! (Aw, man!!!) So, the stress could be a big factor in why I have been sick. >:S And it's not like I was stressing over nothing - we lost our housing, moved across the country in a car with a cat yowling much of the time, had our pay frozen because of the Guard's mistakes resulting in a month and a half without paychecks for us, we borrowed a lot of money... But, now things are okay. I just don't know how to be okay. For six years we've been barely making it by and John's been working at jobs that treated him horribly and paid him worse. So, stressing is like a reflex for me. (Plus I come from a family of worriers. :D )
When I was nineteen, I had a doctor that must have been a little crazy. Because he not only diagnosed me with depression, anxiety disorder, and panic disorder, but he decided to medicate me for all of them simultaneously. I was on depression meds, anti-anxiety meds, panic meds to take in case of a panic attack that were VERY strong and are frequently stolen by drug-users around the globe for that reason, and sleeping pills. And then I changed personality a bit. I stopped going to class, I slept a lot more than is normal, I didn't care about anything, I got very angry frequently, and I gained 20 pounds. Kind of a crappy time for me. I've hated meds ever since. But, I also can admit that they have helped many people I know. So, when the doctor talked to me about trying one medication to see if it helps, I decided this week to give it a chance. I do wish it were something more valid-feeling - some illness that is treated and then goes away and everyone is happy. Oh, well. I also am going to see a therapist to talk to about the stuff life does to people. Life can be a difficult racket. Thankfully, John is on funeral detail for a while and he will be able to go with me. (He knows a good therapist when he meets one. He's seen many in his time. Too bad I can't go see his favorite one back in Utah. That would be kind of funny. "You fixed me, now can you fix my wife?" Maybe we could get a 2 for 1 deal.) :D
In any case, as life rushes over different people, they handle things differently. Every person has something horrible that happened to them that they haven't told many people about. Something that hurt them and crippled them emotionally for a time and they have to learn to move around. I'm surrounded by these soldiers that have seen horrors that scar them and they learn to deal with that and they have to come home and try to see the beauty that can still happen after so much ugliness. I can try to be that brave, as well. Brave enough to let go. Like Monique told Barbara Walters before the Oscars, "It ain't that heavy. Let it go." :)
Anyway... I'ma be alright. I'm going exercise every day and get those endorphins up and learn to take a breath and enjoy the ride. And to lighten the mood, I'll end with this:

:D