Johnny turns 32! =)

We celebrated John's birthday this weekend. :)  It's fun having our birthdays so close together.  It makes a "birthday season" every year. haha
For my birthday we went to the lovely Turkish restaurant, so we wanted to do something completely different for John's birthday.  We actually kind of spread his out over Friday and Saturday.  He finished work early on Friday so we decided to go out and celebrate early, as well.  We went to a place called Smokey Bones.  They have ribs and burgers, different meats and bold flavors. =)  Johnny had a giant club sandwich and stew and I had a cheeseburger (with bleu cheese and avocado... yumyum) and sweet potato fries.  Then we had a big piece of chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream.  It was awesome. >:)

He is definitely pleased. ;)

The birthday boy. ^_^

I like making him feel special.  He turned red just having the waitress bring him free cake and tell him "happy birthday." :3  He's so adorable.  He doesn't like a big fuss, but I insist on a little fuss.  ;)

Happy. :)

On Saturday we had a lazy day.  Johnny and the kitties even took a nap all in a row. :3 

Cutest nap ever.

The cats have been getting along so well.  They play all the time and now they are totally cuddly and adorable!  It makes me so happy.  Zoe was so lonely and all I've wanted was for her to feel a little happy again.  I know she'll always miss Miles.  But, having a baby sister is giving her life some brightness again.  Which Miley would want. :)  Zoe and Patches are definitely becoming the sweetest furry sisters ever.

This. Is. The. Best.

 Then we just decided to do something simple and went out for Chinese food for dinner for his birthday day.  And forgot to take pictures of it. v.v  Sorry about that.  (Hey, we got the picture with the eyebrow and the cake, so I'm happy.)  It was very low key and fun.  We got a couple of groceries on the way home and watched some Conan and fell asleep early.  =)  Everything a Johnny could want.  He values simplicity.
So birthday season has been a good season this year. ;)  I love that we have been together for it this year.  Good memories. :)

31

It is so happy to be with Johnny for my birthday this year. ^_^  It is hard not to have Miles with us, though. We miss him every day.
We decided we just wanted to go to dinner together.  Johnny made reservations for us at an awesome Turkish restaurant in Fayetteville called Sherefe.  I should have taken more pictures, but I forgot all about it during dinner. v.v  Sorry, y'all.  But, I got to have my first taste of hummus. :D  John said it is the best he's ever had and I loved it.  We had some yummy lamb dishes for dinner and then they brought out a Greek yogurt cheesecake for my birthday.  They had even written "Happy B-Day" in strawberry sauce for me. =)  I did remember to take a picture after the first bite. haha

 It was really yummy, as well.

Johnny did a good job planning a fun birthday for me. ^_^

It was happy. :)
Also this week, Zoe's tear ducts got clogged up :( so we've been putting salve in her eyes 4 times a day since Friday.  Poor baby.  We also had Patches checked when we went to the vet because she's been doing a weird huffing/coughing every now and then.  But we are thinking that it is a nervous habit.  The two of them seemed to really bond going to the vet this time, though.  While we were waiting for Patches's x-rays to be looked at, Patches went into Zoe's carrier with her and they cuddled.  (We have the nicest vet ever, they just are little scaredy bears. ;) )  They have been cuddling (angelic chorus: "Ahhhh!") and they even groom each other a little bit... and then fight about who gets to groom who. haha It's so cute!

It's a little blurry because they are laying on us. :3

And this one was just adorable. :D  Patches was sleeping next to me.  I love her little white chin!!!  It melts my heart.
We take Zoe back in tomorrow for a re-check and to make sure her eyes are doing better.  So far, they seem to be doing better to us. :)  We also have John's birthday coming up next week and also happy birthday to my Dad today! =D

Fleeting February

Well, February was busy!  I can't believe it went by so quickly.  We decided to adopt a new kitty named Patches.  At least we hope she realizes that is her name eventually. lol  I would have more pictures but I forgot how rarely kittens hold still unless they are asleep!  I also thought I had kitten-proofed the house.  I so had not.  We are much closer to kitten-proofed now. ;)

Meet Patches

She was a little bit sick when we first got her, however, and we didn't realize it until she and Zoe had been around each other.  This led to some two cat vet visits.  When one of those cats is 13 lbs and refuses to take pills, it gets tricky. hahaha  Seriously, Zoe held her breath, closed her throat and waited for the pill to dissolve and dribble away. x.x  She is such a stubborn girl.  We found that they both had Upper Respiratory Disease (which sounds scarier than it is, it is basically a kitty cold) and Patches had a tape worm which might have also infected Zoe so we medicated them both to be safe.  I thought the new kitten would be the difficult one to give medicine to, but she was very good and Zoe was very... spastic. The couple times I had to give her the liquid medicine by myself, it took a very long time and was kind of like sumo wrestling.  We'd circle each other and I'd dive at her with a towel.  It's kind of like fighting with a marshmallow, though, she just squeezed through my arms and got away repeatedly.  But, they both got all of their medicines and are doing well. =D  During this time they got closer to each other, uniting against a common enemy - the lady with the medicines (me).  And now they play together and sleep near each other on me.  (John is working nights lately, so me and the kitties fall asleep on the couch.)  I hope they will eventually kitty-cuddle.  Miles and Zoe never did cuddle, Miley had too much dignity for such things, the cute little bear. (Oh, I miss him.)

Zoe likes to creep into the laundry I'm folding and fall asleep in the warm. :3

 Also during this time we celebrated Valentine's Day together.  I know people say it's a silly holiday invented by greeting card companies to get us all to spend money.  But, I figure I'll enjoy every chance to celebrate our relationship.  =)  And also chocolate. ;)  Johnny took me to a sweet little German restaurant and it was wonderful.  I find German food very warm and comforting.

My sweetiebear

Me... kind of blurry

It was a really good evening together. :)  One of those times you know is going to be a fond memory. ^_^
And Patches is getting used to us and to Zoe and I think she is happy here.  At first I felt so mean for taking her away from all the fun other kittens and bringing her here to live with us and Zoe, who frequently would hiss and try to hit Patches on the head. v.v  But now they are most often together, which I love.  And Patches has become very cuddly with me and Johnny, at least. :D  I love the cuddles!

Snuggled against Johnny

Asleep cuddling with a stuffed Tigger she adopted when she got here.

 She's a sweetie and we are glad she is becoming a part of our little family. =)

Good news. =)

Zoe doesn't need surgery anymore (for now). =D
We took her in and the vet sedated her and felt her knee and recommended we see a specialist.  So, we drove the 1.5 hours to the specialist (MUCH meowing in the car during that time) and he had a look at her knees.  He said that it seemed like she had a luxating patella probably just due to the way her bones are shaped and that it would probably ultimately affect both knees, so we might need to have surgery done for the right one as well.  He told us it really depends on her quality of life.  For 2 weeks her kneecap had slipped several times causing her to limp and lay down but then for a week it hadn't slipped at all.  We attributed this to that she's been being careful and decided to do the surgery so she would be able to walk and play without problems.  But, John's work schedule was crazy and we were having trouble finding a time to schedule the surgery and after another week or so she still hadn't had any problems, even though she'd started running around and jumping more.  We needed to get her shots before having her spend the night at the surgery center and when we talked to our vet about it he didn't think it would be necessary, then.  He said the reason to have surgery is to help her be able to walk and get around.  He suggested we talk to the surgeon to see what he thought and when we did he was in complete agreement that if her quality of life is good and she is able to run around then we shouldn't do the surgery.  He said that she's found a way to compensate for her knee and that it might become a problem again later on or it might not.  Today she has even been jumping up into the window sills again. :)  I'm very relieved that she won't need any pins put in her knee because I really didn't want her to have to go through that.
Confession: I am afraid of the dentist.  Gum graft surgery will do that. Haha.  So, I hadn't been for a while and decided to rectify that.  Unsurprisingly, I need fillings.  I inherited my mother's very soft, sensitive teeth.  And the fillings I'd had before weren't doing very well and some weren't done very well so that they hang over the edge of my tooth and frequently cut through floss.  So, I went and had a couple done yesterday.  It hurt less during the appointment and more after the numbness wore off than I remembered.  I'll still have a couple more visits to do before I'm caught up with what I need done.  They are making me a night guard because I clench my jaw in my sleep and now have TMJ and the guard should help protect my joint and teeth.  I also learned that people with sinus problems often clench their teeth in their sleep because it can open up the sinuses better. o.o  I found that very interesting!  Also, my anxiety can cause it when I am stressed.  Lots of fun. ;)
In other news, we are adopting a kitten. =D  She is a sweet little calico named Patches.  We are adopting her from a really nice family that are foster parents for kitties that need a home.  Patches is getting screened just to make sure she doesn't have any communicable illness that could be passed on to Zoe, but one of the kitties from the litter was screened earlier and was healthy so Patches will most probably be healthy, too.  We're so excited!  Zoe has been so lonely.  She frequently sleeps by Miles's carrier or by the jacket John was wearing when he last held him and it breaks our hearts.  She also has been demanding laser pointer time very frequently and we feel her relationship with the red dot is becoming unhealthy.  And we think it's been enough time for enough healing to happen that hopefully the transition from a one-kitty home to a two-kitty home will be as smooth as it can be. :)  There will be pictures.  Oh.  There will be pictures.
For now, here is the cutie girl Zoe today. =)

Long week

It's been a stressful week.
The saddest thing that happened this week is that my sweet grandmother passed away.  She was a sweet, tough lady.  When I was little, I got to go visit my mother's parents for a few days all by myself.  It was a lot of fun for me.  Grandma even got me store-bought chocolate milk, which was my favorite luxury as a child.  The smell of coffee always reminds me of her, which is why I love it so much. :)  My favorite thing of hers she ever gave me is a small golden music box keychain that plays the theme from Swan Lake.  I'd always loved it and one of the last times I saw her she gave it to me so I had something special of hers I could keep forever.  It is one of my favorite possessions.
My grandma was 5'2" and my grandpa was 6'3" and they made such a cute couple together.  It's been a few years since Grandpa passed on and Grandma's health had been having difficulties for a while now, so we knew it would be soon.  Even when someone is sick for a long time and you know the end is close, it's still very difficult.  It's hard whether it's sudden or drawn out to lose someone, though.  I will miss her.  She always made me feel very special.

Also this week, Zoe suddenly started having difficulty walking from time to time.  Usually she'd be running, suddenly slow down and stop using one of her back legs so she had to hop with the other, and then she would lay down.  After a minute she usually can get up and walk fine, but it's been happening more frequently.  :(  My poor girl.  We took her in to get x-rays yesterday and it looks like her back left knee cap is loose.  I'm not sure if she hurt it and it's been getting worse or if maybe she was born with a weak knee that got worse over time.  But she will probably need to have surgery to correct it.  We have an appointment to have it looked at again and to decide if our vet will do the surgery or if an orthopedic specialist will be needed.  We were just looking into pet insurance, unfortunately, so we'll need to take care of it ourselves.  I did my research, though, and have found a good provider for future incidents.  If it's going to be costly, though, there is a way to finance it with the vet or we can get a loan or something, so I'm not as scared as I could be, but pretty stressed about it.  It's okay, though.  When we decided to have pets, we decided to take care of them no matter what for the rest of their lives.  They are family members to us.  She's our little girl, you know?  I'm so worried about her.  It breaks my heart whenever her knee slips like that.  At least she can milk this for tuna from her parents though. ;)  We've kept the Christmas tree up for her because she loves sleeping under the tree skirt so much.  It's so adorable!

After a wild night chasing the red dot.

We're so glad the weekend is here at last.  One morning this week, John had to be to work by 3:15 a.m. and we haven't quite caught up on sleep still.  He'll be working nights next week, though, so I foresee drowsy times in our future. ;)

Another Year Has Come and Gone

My niece did the cutest blog post with pictures from the past year.  I've struggled to be able to write and her idea inspired me a lot, so I'm totally copying her. ;) Thanks, Megan.
This year has felt so long but so short.  Some things I think, "That was only a year ago?" and other things feel like they happened 5 years ago at least.  So much has happened.
At the beginning of last year I took a trip to New York for fun.  It helped me to see how strong I can be. :)

Johnny was just hanging out in Afghanistan. :7

 Being apart was difficult, but he still managed to send me flowers for my birthday. =)

We made the decision for John to reenlist in the Army for 5 more years while he was away.

We found out that Miles was very sick and I began learning how to nurse him for as long as we could - as long as the happy times outweighed the pain for him.

We shaved off his fur because his body couldn't handle the fur from washing himself any longer.  He looked so cute and felt like a little velvet kitty.

Then August was here and Johnny came home. =)

We got some new furniture - our couch had holes and our place felt a bit sparse.  The cats were more excited about it than we were.  And Johnny's chaise became Miley's chaise. xD

So, we got them their very own cat tree.  It took a while for them to warm up to it but it became their favorite place.

Miles and Zoe became best friends this year.  Miles had been so offended when we brought Zoe home but after a while he could tolerate her and soon he loved her like we do.  He even would allow her kisses... for a few seconds. ;)

Then one day it was his last day.  We had taken some pictures of him that day before we really knew it was the last time.  We'll always miss him.

Zoe has had a difficult time adjusting on her own.  We've just been doing our best to be there for her as much as we can.  And  make sure she knows how much we love her.

And then this happened. -_-

We're not even sure what happened.  The driver said he fell asleep and the rest of his story was a little different between what he told us and what he told the police and fire fighters.  He hit our neighbors car before running into our front porch.  We later found out it wasn't his truck and he'd been driving with a suspended license.  *sigh*  Housing is still working on fixing our porch.  We were relieved no one was hurt.

Johnny keeps working hard and doing his best.  I'm very proud of him.

We finally got our Christmas tree set up a few days before Christmas.  Zoe LOVES it.  Her favorite part is the tree skirt.  She takes her naps mostly under the tree skirt now.  We'll be leaving the tree up for a long time... hahaha!

 We were so glad to be together for Christmas this year.  Last year was very hard being apart, so this year was that much sweeter for us. :')

We spent New Year's Eve in our jammies watching "Happy New Year, Charlie Brown!" and had some bubbly when the clock struck twelve.  I had a little bit of a fever (phooey) so we wanted to just chill out at home. :)  Those are always really cozy good times. ;)  We're excited to see what 2013 brings. =)  Happy New Year everyone!

The hardest post to write so far.

Miles passed away the day before Thanksgiving at 4:51 p.m.
When he was diagnosed with kidney disease in April of this year, he was very close to death.  He had been eating very little and had not had a bowel movement in some time.  I should have been paying better attention.  He was so young, I wasn't expecting it.  Apparently, kidney disease can strike a cat at any time and they aren't really sure why.  Cats are just highly susceptible to kidney problems.  They gave him some shots and an enema - which was not a popular procedure with Miles.  He had a lot of pride and doing such things was unspeakable in his view.  The vet sat down with me and explained what was wrong.  It was a Friday.  He told me our main goal would be to get him through the weekend.  We made an appointment for Monday and he gave me his home number and the number for the urgent care clinic.  I needed to give him some medications every so many hours.  The vet repeatedly asked me if there were anyone that could help me.  No.  No one.  I was all alone.  The neighbors I sort of knew had moved away without saying goodbye.  Was there someone that I knew well enough to ask them to come into my home and shut themselves into a bathroom with me and a once-feral cat and force medicine into said cat?  Not even a little bit.  No family, no friends, nobody.  You see, the military base is extremely unfriendly.  I have said hello and waved to several neighbors, even made eye contact, and they have pointedly ignored me.  They don't do friendly.  They don't do attachments.  I told the vet I could do it.  And I did.  On Monday they told me I would need to learn that day how to put a needle into Miles's scruff and let fluids drip through the tube and into his system for about 15 minutes every day (150 cc a day at that time).  I thought they were crazy at first.  That sounded impossible with any cat, especially Miles who would only sometimes respond to his name when I called him. x.x  I inserted a needle into a different cat for practice twice and then we decided to administer fluids to Miles.  And he was better for it than the practice cat had been.  He just curled in my lap and allowed it.  The vet and the technicians all asked me a few more times if there were anyone else that could help me.  Anyone at all.  Only my therapist and they don't usually do that sort of thing.  So every day I would worry and stress and feel scared about doing fluids.  He had been okay for it at the vet, but he was very offended that I wanted to do it again at home.  He would jerk around, bite me, hiss, try to bite the needle (I almost stabbed him in the eye once, so we skipped that day), run off the needle in the middle of giving fluids (he ran so suddenly once the the needle cut him and blood sprayed across the bathroom floor and wall and I cried for a long time).  But every single day we would at least try and he learned that no matter how terrible he acted or what he did or where he hid, we were doing this.  And he started to realize it helped him feel better.  And after a while, I would set him on the floor, encircled by my legs, and he would just settle down into a little loaf and let me administer the fluids.  We had to do some kind of medicine or the fluids or trying to eat every couple of hours all day.  I would sleep four hours at night because he would wake me up gently because he needed to drink fresh water after that.  I usually didn't eat until after we did his fluids at 2 p.m. because I felt too nauseated and tense to get food down before that.  And at that point I was so tired I often would just have something like a granola bar or a piece of toast, just something to keep me going.  And since I would often exercise as an outlet for the stress, I lost 30 pounds by August.  We changed medicines frequently.  We changed schedules frequently.  I tried only to buy absolute necessities and keep aside the rest of the money for Miles's vet visits.
I loved him so much.  He was all I had.  He and Zoe were my only friends, the only ones who loved me for a great distance in all directions.  He'd been my baby for 7 years.  I felt closer to Miles than any person but John.  I was going to do everything I could do to keep him going as long as he was happy and had a good quality of life.
Miles turned 8 in October.  I hadn't dreamed he'd make it so long.  We were doing fluids twice a day by that time (75 cc at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.) and were basically keeping all of his systems going through medication.  Laxatives to keep his digestive system going, injections to keep his blood count up, pills and injections to keep his nausea down, injections and pills to stimulate his appetite, regular blood tests to monitor his different levels.  He had been pretty happy and would still play and watch out the windows and snuggle with us and everything was fine.  And then he suddenly took a turn for the worse.  He wasn't eating and became temperamental and easily agitated.  He didn't play hardly at all.  Maybe a few little pats at a ball we were desperately trying to get him interested in.  He growled and hissed a lot.  He started laying under his favorite chair upstairs all the time.  We'd have to go get him for his medicines or to eat.  He would slightly weave when sitting still.  He started falling when he'd try to make jumps he'd never missed.  It seemed like such a long time but it was only 2 or 3 days like this.  We went to the vet the Monday before Thanksgiving.  The vet told us that Miles must eat.  We could try anything.  He ate a little bit that night and the next morning - sour cream, his favorite, sometimes with a little tuna mixed in - and we were back at the vet on Tuesday.  The vet checked his blood pressure and thought that might be an issue contributing to his worsening.  They'd need to check the blood pressure again in the morning.  That night he didn't eat at all.  He kept crying and crying if we left him alone.  John slept on the floor by him that night.  Miles didn't eat again the next morning.  At the vet that morning I told him how bad things were getting.  He said he'd definitely need to see Miles again later in the day and instructed me to give Miles the injection for nausea and the appetite enhancing pills and see if he would eat after a couple of hours.  I did.  And he didn't eat.  He seemed so tired.  He was scared and in pain.  So when John and I took him to the vet again late that afternoon, and the vet told us things didn't look good, we asked if we should euthanize him.  I was filled with such a cold cold pain.  Miles was just cradled in John's arms looking so tired.  The vet explained to us what it was and he said he agreed that it would be the best thing for Miles.  He said Miles had a lot of dignity and deserved to go while it was still in tact.  It would have just gotten worse.  Much much worse.  I didn't want to be selfish.  And when I had been extending his life with medications for so long, I felt I would be hypocritical to say I wanted to wait until he died "naturally" because that would have been 8 months before.  Making that decision was the worst moment of my life.  But even though it was very painful for me, it was best for my boy.  (I've always called him that. "My sweet boy.")  The receptionists and technicians all cried and all came and hugged or petted Miles goodbye.  He only hissed and growled a little bit.  He was very patient.  They gave us some time with him and we cried and talked to him.  I told him if there's anything after this that I will spend the rest of eternity finding him.  I told him he didn't have to worry about me.  He was always doing his best to take care of me and protect me.  He even stood over me and hit John once when John was tickling me.  He was so fierce.  He had so much panache.
The vet and one of the technicians gave him a shot to help him fall asleep so that the injection itself would not be painful.  They left us alone to talk to him some more as he fell asleep.  And then they came back in and shaved the fur off his little arm so that it would be easier to find a vein.  And as they put some alcohol over the spot to smooth the rest of the fur down in the area, little Miles growled a menacing growl in his sleep.  He was just like Cyrano de Bergerac.  He would go with his panache.  And our dear sweet doctor put in the needle and began the injection.  And he was gone only halfway through it.  The vet didn't even finish the whole dose.  That's how weak he was.  He had lost a half of a pound in a weak.  He was back down to the weight he was when we first started his treatments in April.  Full circle.  He felt no pain and he was with the people that love him.  It was very peaceful.  In a horrible way.  I felt this panic deep inside that I couldn't take it back.  And wanting to so so much.  I petted his skinny little body and cried.  I hugged the vet I'd been working so closely with and talking to usually more than once a week for 8 months and we both cried.  And I cried some more and rubbed Miley's little head and said, "my boy, my sweet boy" over and over.  John called him "son" like he always had.  And the sweet technician told us she would take care of him for us and our vet walked with us to the back door of the veterinary building and we hugged again and he told us we made the right decision.  That the timing was perfect.  Not too soon and not too late.  We had spared him undue suffering after extending his life for what would have been 3 years to a human.  That the past 8 months had been remarkable.  We went to our car with the empty cat carrier and our dear vet waved to us until we couldn't see him anymore.  And we dawdled around getting something to eat and shopping for a while and then we went home and told Zoe.  She has curled up by his carrier for part of each day since.  And I went to his spot by his favorite chair and my soul poured out of my eyes with my face in the carpet and his favorite toy in my hand.  I cried harder and louder than ever before.  My Miles has been there for me every day for 8 years.  The longest we'd been apart was 4 days.  We'd been apart less than 10 days total in his lifetime.  We were each other's world.  I will heal, but the pain will never really go away.  I will just learn to keep going in spite of it.  And that process will change me a lot.
It was worth it.  That pain was worth it.  And I would do it again.  Those 8 months we had together were very hard and very beautiful.  People can say he was just a cat.  But I don't care.  Anything is "just" anything.  It's all in the looking that changes what things are.  He was everything to me.  And I'm so glad that he found us.  He made us who we are.