Soon

Well, today has been our last day together. Tomorrow afternoon Specialist Johnny will be off.

We've mostly run errands today to make sure that he'll be all ready to go. I keep trying to be strong and not cry until the right time, but the almost-cries I've been holding back hurt my throat. I miss him already. I'm memorizing him... the little crow's feet by his eyes, the feel of his neck as I burrow my face into it when we hug, the sound of his voice... He's my sweetheart.

"I need you more than anything in my life. I want you more than anything in my life. I'll miss you more than anyone in my life. I love you more than anyone in my life."

Wonderful. :)

I was being so hard and tough today. I had walls up. I wasn't going to be whiny on my blog about there only being a week left before John leaves. I was going to write about being all strong and stuff. And then Johnny got the mail. My little brudder had sent me a package. John's family had nicknamed him Tigger a long time ago and I've called him Tigger a lot over the years. I gave him a Tigger keychain a long time ago that he's kept in his little box of treasures. And today my brudder sent me a big fluffy Tigger for me to hug while John is away. And now I'm all melted. Hahaha. I went from Tiney the warrior to Tiney-puddle squeezing an orange fluffy. xD I'm really glad because I really didn't want to be hard and strong today. Sometimes being "strong" hurts more than letting yourself be weak. Thank you, Bunny. Thank you so so much. :')

And in even more of happy news: Private First Class Johnny has been promoted to Specialist Johnny! =D I'm so proud of him! He's worked hard and I'm glad that his superiors chose to recognize that. ^_^ I got to be up there and hug him during the ceremony.

As for me, I'm looking forward to actually decorating this time while John's away. I also am applying at a couple of places for a job. I've gotten so I can transfer back to a sort of 1-player mode of life. Hahaha. I love that I explain my life using video game terminology. xD Miles has gotten good at switching modes, as well. Zoe is so chronically happy that I'm not too worried about her. Lol. She'll keep running around being chipper and jumping on Miles when he's not looking. Hahaha! And I'll take good care of Hugo, as well, so he doesn't feel forgotten and lonely without Papa John. (Bahahahaha! I never thought to call him that before! Excellent!)

So, yeah, we're doing alright. ;)

"The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things!"

Happy Papa's Day!

I miss my papa so much! I miss just being home with my family. I miss spending holidays at their house. I miss family dinners. I miss all my nieces and nephews and hugging them tight. Thinking of how much I love my nieces and nephews is what made me realize how much I really do want to be a mom. And how excited I am for that.

I understand now that much of why we didn't get along sometimes was because we are the same. xD For example: my dad likes his books lined up along the spines so they are all matched up with each other. But I felt like all the books should be pushed all the way back. So I'd go to his bookshelf and "fix" his books for him. And then next time I was by the shelf I'd see them back the way they were. Hahaha! We are the same in the different ways. He probably wondered who kept messing up his books! I also used to try to eat really spicy food cause my dad is tough and can take the heat of spicy foods. I discovered we aren't alike in that way cause I can't take the heat! xD I tried so hard, though. Hahaha. We also both love Jane Austen! That makes me so happy. And we both love Wind in the Willows and Ivanhoe. He's taught me a lot! And he is always there when I need him. I want to be a parent like that. :)

This is my favorite picture of my dad and me. =) I was an adorable baby. ;)

Then there is my pop-in-law! He is such a sweet man. The first time I met him he had a big beard and was a little intimidating-looking. But he was wearing a teddy bear earring and I told him I liked it. :) He's always been so accepting of me and easily broke past my shy walls and made friends. He is very jovial like Johnny. =D He took me for a motorcycle ride once when we were all assembled at John's brother Jim's house for a get-together. It felt like flying! I'm really glad that he and John have become so much closer in the past few years. Whenever they talk on the phone, John is so happy and calm afterward like he feels at peace. :) We also have received help from him when we were in a jam and for that I will be forever grateful because we really needed it. I hope we do get to go visit him in New Mexico someday because I think it would be really wonderful.

Baby John and Papa! =D So sweet. ^_^

And, of course, Johnny-bear. He's a good kitty and hamstah daddy. =) He has high expectations of our furries and they do their best to be good little critters for him. ;) When they hear his key in the door, Miles and Zoe bolt for the door and begin rolling around on the carpet to be properly cute and to lure Daddy into immediate cuddles. xD And he's a sucker for it every time! I love it! I know when we have kids that John will be an amazing father. I'm very excited for that.

Johnny and baby Miles. xD Sooooo cute! =D

I hope everyone's had a wonderful day. =)

Summer Fun with Johnny-bear!

It's block leave!!! =D Wahoo!!! That means John and I have 30 days together! O.O We haven't had time like this together for a long time. And unemployment not being the reason we have time together is my favorite part. xD We'll use this time to be together and to help John get ready to deploy. ^_^

So far, we've played video games a bunch, watched Despicable Me a few times, and been catching up on our episodes of River Monsters! (River Monsters is a show on Animal Planet with a guy - Jeremy Wade - that catches giant scary fish and such in rivers. It is awesomeness!)

In other completely pointless news, I have a new favorite soda. My default soda, if you will. Mountain Dew White Out! Now, Johnny and I are big fans of regular Dew, as is my niece Megan. (Deeeeeeeeeeew!) But, for me, I'm loving the White Out kind A LOT.

We had wanted to go to a big Rock & Mineral show that will be in the state but, alas, it is too far away for us. (John is only allowed to go a certain distance from the base unless he applies for a leave packet ahead of time.) I was pretty bummed about it cause I miss the Geology days and I was hoping to add some prehnite to my mineral collection. However, I have a couple of trusted sites for fossils and minerals and such and I found a small prehnite piece for about ten bucks! =D So, that has been ordered. Less than paying to fuel the car for the 4.5 hour drive anyway! xD Excellent. There will be pictures once it arrives. I am very excited. ^_^ In the meantime here is the picture they showed on the site. Keep in mind it will be much much smaller than this. Lol!

Well, here's to summer fun with Johnny-bear! I'll keep y'all updated! =)

Life is what you make it.

I feel like life is what you make it. Every situation offers an opportunity for growth or for weakness. Facebook has become a site I frequently hate because of all the whining that goes on there. -.- There are people that are working hard to be optimistic and strong in their lives and it is just annoying when people whine to the world on Facebook - especially when their problems aren't that big of a deal. A woman is apart from her husband for a week for a business trip. Every day she boohoos about how much she misses him and how hard it is to sleep alone and how many hours it will be until she's "in his arms again." If she knew how obnoxious that is for me to read. My husband will be gone for a YEAR, people. Do you know how much I could whine? Let's take a good look at my life: I am across the country from every soul I have ever met except John. I am fat, thanks to the crappy meds the doctor gave me. I have no goals, no future, no point to getting out of bed at all in the morning. I have no training or skills to get a good job and the economy here is very bad, anyway, so there are very few jobs to be had. I gave up my dream of being a geologist to come here. We share one car so for 8-12 hours a day I am stuck here with no one but my cats and hamster. I talk only to my mother on the phone and occasionally a couple of friends call me (and sometimes I miss their call usually just cause I dumbly left my phone downstairs or I'm sleeping during the day - John works nights and I prefer to see him while he's here and my psychiatrist can smirk at me about that all she freaking wants [not Regina, the other one that's there for the meds. Regina never smirks at me. :) ]). But you know... my life could be worse and I know it. So I do my best to be positive and to write statuses that I'm going to go for a walk today even though in reality I feel like crap today and I'm sad and going for a walk was the highlight of my whole freakin' day. I don't whine about it because I know that no one cares, no one wants to read it (apologies for making y'all read it hahaha), and everyone has their own crap to deal with and don't need me to bog them down with more of it. I aspire to be strong and positive and optimistic. To be someone that others might look up to someday.

There's Julie who had a stroke and is relearning to talk, read, and write. And she stays positive and puts a cute picture of herself on facebook and writes, "Just because I can't talk, doesn't mean I don't look good!" How amazing is that? I am so in awe about her. She's my hero.

I have another friend whose husband was very abusive to her, cheated on her, gave her an STD - which later became cancer - from his cheating, left her, kicked her out of their home, and did his best to take their kids away (so far she has been able to keep them). And now she is with her parents and starting over again. And I just know she's going to pick up those pieces of her life and make it beautiful again. Because that's what she does. She just keeps going. And that is so wonderful!

And maybe I'm immature but when I log onto facebook and see someone whining about Obama and gas prices I just want to smack 'em. People in these days seem to have forgotten to count their blessings. My message to such whiners is: suck it up and shutup! I think my dad would like my talent in making up a phrase like that which rhymes. Hahaha. He and my older brother always would tell me: Life sucks and then you die. xD I did indeed stop whining when they said that. Hahaha.

So here are my blessings, since I already outlined the cons to my world:

~I can get up whenever I want (though it's frequently when Zoe and Miles want but they are smaller than me hahaha).

~I have all the writing time I need! =D

~We are fortunate that I don't HAVE to have a job to pay our bills (though obviously more money is always fun).

~My mama still answers the phone when I call her all the time. ;) And she calls me, too! =D

~I have the sweetest husband that always tries to do his best at everything.

~We live in a nice place with not too annoying of neighbors. :)

~I don't have to hook my dryer up to just a hole in the wall I can see grass through. (Found a wolf spider - well, bits of one - through my clean warm laundry once cause the poor thing found its way in. Of course I rewashed everything and I think I also showered just in case bits of it were still on me. Lol.)

~I have good friends, even though they are far away! =D A special thanks to y'all that leave comments here for me cause they mean a lot to me. Also, a BIG thanks to my Keety-friend for being there for me!

~We live quite close to like 4 Starbucks locations. This make-a me happy. =)

~I have the cutest pets evah!!! And they are very patient and tolerant when I hug and kiss them. (Miles actually has an I'm-being-patient expression he wears during cuddle time.) Behold the cuteness below.

~I have air conditioning!!!

~If I keep working at it I will become less fat. Lol.

~I have awesome people to look up to. :)

~I have seen Spartacus, so I know life can suck a lot more than this. xD

~Ellen Degeneres and Oprah Winfrey ('Nuff said.)

~Chocolate. (Doi.)

~My family. =D

~I am truly free. I have a freedom few ever find in life. =)

Fresh Start

After grieving appropriately and moping (the kitties included) we decided to get a new hamster. We stopped at the pet store on the way home from seeing my therapist and chose a little gray one with white chest and pawsies. :) His name is Sir Hugo. Hahaha. That's right. He is a noble hamster with much clout. After having him home for a few hours, we realize that Dexter was always sick. Hugo is very active and strong and is enjoying his house very much. Zoe and Miles are very excited to have their own pet again. (Zoe has been especially mopey the past few days.) We will have to be careful opening the door to the house now because Hugo is very strong and could pull himself up and out easily and quickly. o.o (Those little o's are my big eyes, usually accompanied with a gasp.)

It was sad because we'd go in to check on Dexter and then remember he was gone. So, now we can keep our habit of visiting the hamster house and show a new little furry some love in Dexter's memory. He'd want us to make more hamsters as happy as we made him. ^_^

Promise

Our little Dexter hamster died early this morning around 4 a.m. I think he was always a little sick. He was a lot smaller than the other hamsters when we got him and he never grew. His appetite diminished as time went by and he became less active. I'm glad we chose him. We got to make his short little life a happy one. He was such a sweetie. He always got so excited to see me. He'd grab onto the door opening and climb his little feet up against the wall when I'd visit him. And he loved running around in his hamster ball. He'd take his sunflower seeds up to the second story of his little house and eat them where he could be closer to Zoe's little face as she sat by his house. They were such good friends. Zoe always watched after him in his hamster ball and got him unstuck from corners or helped him around an obstacle with her paw.

He died in John's palm as I was petting him, so he knew how much we loved him. I told him I would find him in the next place because I'm his mommy and he's my baby and I'll find him no matter what. I promised to come to him. And then he died. You really can see the light go out of the eyes. We'd just gotten him a new little basket bed with nesting so I opened the box and we laid him in the little bed and closed the box and I took him out to the garbage can, which was the hardest of all.

My heart is broken. He was just a small little hamster. But, I love him so much. And in all the universe there was only one Dexter, the only one that ever was and ever will be. And we got to love him. I know there are people who laugh at me. But, to me life is life and love is love. And I will always miss him.

And I'll keep my promise.