Smiling Through :)

Over the past week or so, we have moved from 12th to 7th on the housing list! Soon, we will have a place to live together and things will be rushing forward.
The Monday before Christmas I became very ill and saw a doctor. After some tests (they had to stick me in three places to get a blood sample - blast my tiny veins) my doctor returned to the room I was waiting in that had a dragon painted on the wall - that dragon saw me through :) - and told me that I either had a kidney infection or appendicitis. My blood count pointed more closely to a kidney infection. However, he told me he was concerned and that if I got much worse to head to the ER. He prescribed some antibiotics that would dissolve as quickly as if I were hooked up to an IV. Thankfully, within a few doses I started to feel dramatically more healthy and am continuing to improve. I am concerned by how much infection I seem to have all the time, though, so after I have health insurance I'll meet with a doctor and see what we can do.
For Christmas Eve I was able to spend the evening with my parents, my little brother, Brandon, and his girlfriend, Emily. After our traditional finger food dinner (we always have stuff like a relish tray & dip, meatballs, lil' smokies in barbecue sauce, cheeseball & crackers, small sandwiches, etc.), we played Fact or Crap, a really funny game that my sister, Maren, and her boyfriend, Brett gave my dad for Christmas. We had an awesome time and, of course, Brandon won. (Someday! *shakes fist in air*)

Christmas Day my parents and Brandon and I just had a lazy day around my parents' house. Brandon has a really bad sore on his tonsils that got infected, so he spent the day on the couch. Poor boy. He's slowly getting better. For me, it didn't feel like Christmas, which is good becuase it follows along with our plan. (The Plan: we're going to have our Christmas just Johnny and me once we're together in North Carolina with lights and a tree and wrapped presents and the works! Buwahahahahaha!) And in the evening I went back to my apartment and talked the night away on the phone with Johnny. He spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at a couple of different Sargeants' homes and had a good holiday.
There is also some news: Emily actually isn't Brandon's girlfriend. Because he just proposed not long before Christmas!!! She is now his fiancee! They are planning the wedding for February 13th, the day after Brandon's birthday and the day before Valentine's Day. That will be one awesome week for them every year. :D I wanted to wait and make sure they had told people before I wrote about it on my blog. They are a very cute couple and I want to congratulate them and wish them all the happiness the world has to give. Brandon and I did everything together growing up and he is absolutely precious to me. I've missed him a lot over the years since we had to grow up and I'm so glad that when I move away I'll be leaving him with such a sweet girl.
Time is moving and indeed it's stinging without John, but we're moving toward our goal and I'm excited for the times to come. He already has his red beret and is preparing for Jump School in the near future. And he just texted me a picture of "the smallest, cutest pine cone *ever*" - that's the kind of stuff he does to keep me smiling. :) It's working.

Progress :)

The best thing about this time apart is that we can talk on the phone!!! The last time, when John left for Basic, we were only able to communicate through letters (yeah, like snail mail, kids). We've been talking and talking whenever we can - which is part of why my ears are still red, though the hives have been fading away. ;) It's been helping us be strong and keep going.
We are on the housing waiting list. :) In 2-3 weeks we should have a place to live. It kind of feels like the part of the roller coaster ride where you're climbing and climbing and things are about to start getting scary and moving fast. ;) I've been trying to stay focused on preparing to move. Washing and sorting and discarding and donating and so on. Since John was promoted recently, we will be able to live in a nicer place than we expected, possibly a 3-bedroom! That is a relief for me, because I won't be getting rid of as much furniture as I thought. I still don't want to cart a ton of stuff out there, though, so I will keep trimming down our belongings. :)
Miles and I have been adjusting better than expected, as well. It's like we just switched back to our other rhythm. Miles definitely keeps a closer watch on me now than he did with Johnny around. Instead of sitting in the same room, he sits RIGHT next to me on the couch. (He requires his own cushion, of course. There is no cuddling unless it's on his terms. :D ) The kitty has needed more attention because he misses his daddy - and I am just not as fun to play with as John is. ;) I've even been cooking, which was hard for me when we were apart before.

I've written more of the details on how John is doing on his blog at spyder311.blogspot.com if anyone is curious. He joined his unit today and loves the intensity he's found there. He's been craving it since he finished AIT in February. I love that about him. :) He enjoys a challenge and he likes to work hard. It's so refreshing to me because it often feels like life is about cutting corners or dodging responsibility. But Johnny relishes the task and strives to exceed expectation. It's awesome.
We, sadly, will be apart for Christmas. But, we decided to take a friend's advice and celebrate it together after we are reunited. We'll put up a tree and lights and wrap presents and everything. :) And we'll be able to talk on the phone together on the 25th, so it will still be a merry day. We'll just stretch it out and let the Christmas Spirit hang out with us for a while. ;)
Everything is going to be ok. No matter what. :)

Let the adventure begin. :)

Yesterday we had our last day together for a while. We had to run up and get the rest of the paperwork from John's recruiter in the afternoon and all of the recruiters wished us luck and told me to call them if I need anything at all. :) We'd both been too nervous all day to eat and it was about 2 o' clock, so we decided to grab some lunch. We decided to head over to La Dolce Vita. Since 2 is kind of a slow time for restaurants, we had the place to ourselves! We split the gnocchi lunch special and talked about all the good things ahead of us in life. And over our tiramisu we wished each other a Merry Christmas, just in case. We had a mini Christmas meal together. =) It was heavenly. Our own little world enveloped La Dolce Vita for a little while. :) I could watch the stress melt off of John while we sat there eating together. The color came back to his cheeks, the sparkle back to his eyes.

John's buddy Jesse had agreed to drive us up to the MEPS hotel that John would stay the night in before flying out with the other Army guys in the morning. So, we all headed up together, checked Johnny in, had some Burger King for dinner, wandered about in Barnes and Noble (and picked up a Halo book for John to read during the flight since he forgot a book and I knew he'd be sad and nervous on the plane without something to distract him - he's made himself sick enough with worry as it is) and eventually said a tearful, hug-so-tight-you-can't-breathe goodbye in the underground parking lot. Then Jesse drove me home and I did a lot better this time emotionally - just a few tears at first, then we just talked and listened to music. When I got home, I fed the furball that kept rolling around on the floor and meowing his little "pirrup" to be cute enough to be rewarded with noms. :D
Sadly, a little later, behind my ears and the back of my neck, upper back, and arms were itching and burning. Yep. I broke out in hives from stressing out too much. :-S Such a silly Tiney.
A mistake was made, though, and there was no plane ticket for my Johnny. So now he will be flying out tomorrow and he and I have been chatting online today (he has his lappy). That's the way it goes. So, here I am drugged up with Benadryl at the computer chatting with mah boy (refraining from itching... mostly). :D
This starts the adventure, eh? Here we go!

Like Smoke

Well, here we are. At this junction again. It's funny how when John got back from his trainings we were relieved because we wouldn't have to be apart again for a long time. :D Not even a year later, we'll be saying goodbye again. Not for as long (at least it better not be, cause that would annoy my landlord a bit), but it doesn't make it easier.
Last time I was weak. I admit that. Honestly, I had leaned on John a bit too much without realizing it. It made me a lot stronger to be on my own. It is hard to be alone. You have to be alright with yourself. And if you aren't, you gotta learn to be or it won't get any better. We all have our little voids inside that we try to fill with anything other than self-love. For some reason it feels wrong to love oneself, it feels selfish. I think asking everyone else to love you without giving back is selfish and that most people that act that way do it because they don't know how to love themselves. Loving yourself isn't selfish at all. It's important. It makes it easier to accept the love of someone else and to give love back to that person.
I'm hoping that I've maintained some of the strength I gained the last time we were apart - otherwise, what was the point, eh? I hope I handle things better this time. If not, I apologize in advance for any whining found here. ;) Pathetically, I've tried to push John away lately because in my mind I think that will make it easier. It doesn't, of course. It's still going to hurt. "Pain is the awareness of life," though. It's unavoidable. Whenever I was about to get a cortizone shot or a nerve block I'd tell myself, "It's just pain. Just feel it. Don't resist it. Just feel it, then let it go." And I relaxed and handled the pain and it lingered and faded and eventually was gone. Like smoke.
So, that's what I'm going to try to do emotionally. It's going to hurt. I'm going to take it. And eventually, it will be gone. Another quote I love is that "it's not brave if you're not scared." So, hey, I guess I'm being brave. :)

Running out of sand in that hour glass...

We had a fun Thanksgiving. It was just John and I and my parents this year. My little brother went to Thanksgiving with his cute girlfriend. ;) We had a simple meal with turkey and all the trimmings. It was fun to just enjoy my parents for the holiday. My dad, John, and I went for a walk and talked together while my mom rested from her triumph in the kitchen. =) We had to head home early, though, so John could sleep a little more before he went to work that night. It was a memorable day for us. My parents have become cozier over the years. And, though we've had our troubles along the way, I'm going to miss them so much. I can see them as people now, not just parents. I've learned a lot from them.

John has been finishing up the busywork he needs to get taken care of before he leaves. He will be done with his job as a mentor on the 3rd, then will have his last drill weekend the 4th-6th. And I take him to his hotel on the 8th and he flies out on the 9th. It makes me a little sad because we will have little time together before he leaves and trying to say goodbye to everyone is getting tricky. It doesn't even feel like we're moving away. We aren't packed or anything, so it just feels like John's off to training again or something. Nothing feels final because I'm not sure when I'm going. It could be right away or it could be a while.
We've decided we'll probably drive out with Miles when we do move. This will be somewhat traumatic for all of us - he yowls in the car until we are back home... But, we're going to get a little harness for him and talk to our vet about what we can do to make it a smoother trip for us all. It will be an unforgettable journey no matter what. ;)
We're just planning on enjoying every second together and with our friends and family that we can until Johnny goes. :)

First Date

Well, I've been stressed out a bit lately - change creeping closer does that to me. And the other day I decided to get a little dressed up, just because I feel a little better when I get to look pretty. (Silly, I know, but it's fun.) We needed to run to the store to get a few things that night, so John said he'd run out and clean up the car a little. I decided to rearrange the shower curtain - so Miles can play with even more of the wet little drops on it, his favorite thing to do - and my phone start buzzing and ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that my Johnny-boy was calling. :) I answered and he asked, in a suave voice, if I was busy that night. I blushed and giggled like a dopey schoolgirl and said that I wasn't. He apologized for being so last minute, but asked if I could be ready in about 5 minutes. Well, of course, I could be since I already was, so I said yes. A minute later, there was a knock at the front door. I opened it to see my husband on the doorstep.
"Ready?" His eyes were sparkling with mischief. He loves to be sneaky. He took me to dinner, acting all along like it was our first date. We talked about music and tv shows and our families - not much about moving or army stuff or being terrified about relocating across the country. We love to go to Carrabbas and get soup together. A snow storm had just started when we arrived and it had gone by when we headed out to the car afterward. Then we went to get groceries and came back to our little apartment and just enjoyed being together. Sadly, we watched Transformers 2, which we hadn't seen yet and was a massive disappointment, but we didn't let it spoil it a bit; we just started making fun of it by inserting our own lines throughout. I actually got a backrub out of it, as well. (You can guess who picked that movie and who'll get to pick the next one. ;)
Granted, we're a couple of idiots, but I really needed that night. It helped the stress to let go of me for a little while. Johnny even warmed up the rice bag (it's a small fabric bag - with it's own little pillow case - filled with uncooked rice that you can microwave for a minute or 2 and will hold the heat and work like a heating pad) for my achey shoulders, which also helped my muscles to unclench. I slept really well that night. I'm so lucky to be married to such a sweetheart.
Also, an announcement: that same cute puppy that took me on such a romantic date also got a promotion this week. He is now going to be a Private First Class. He had to pass his PT test, which gave him a little trouble; running in the Utah winter air is very difficult and has been hard on his lungs. But, he did it. I'm so proud of him! He's a first rate soldier, as well as a first rate husband. I really am scared to move somewhere I've never even seen, but I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. We'll hold each other up. :)

New Paths Ahead

Well, it looks like there will be a lot of changes coming up. I'll admit I'm scared. I've spent most of my life in Utah. :-/ I want change to happen, but it's always a bit daunting. We've both been more stressed since we found out, but it's bringing us closer instead of making us fight more or something. It's been really nice - it's like we've been knit together somehow.

We're on our way to a place where we will be pretty alone. Our weekends will be less busy, family and friends all far away. But, that also means that we will learn to take care of each other better. We'll have a chance to be more self-sufficient. John's work schedule has been hard on us - especially when I sleep at night, which isn't happening so much tonight. (I've been stressing a bit too much and laying in bed tends to torture me the last week - I start thinking about all the things I need to do that I'm not sure how to do...)
To make this less scary, we've been talking about all of the cool things that we'll be able to do. We realized we'll be in an ideal location for traveling. John can show me West Virginia, like he always had wanted to. We can visit Virginia, we can head over to Florida, or up to Maryland or New York. My buddy Mark is in New York, so it will be awesome to go up for a visit. I haven't seen him since I was 19 or 20! We've kept in touch, though, which is pretty awesome. And we can find a lot of the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives Guy Fieri visited. :-D And we realized that after a little we won't be so poor anymore. We can have a big deal for Valentine's Day or our birthdays. We can go all out for our anniveraries. (Man, the next one will be 7! That's crazy!) And: Disneyworld would be a possibility, yo! (Btw, I don't think I'm a gangster. The word "yo" is basically a Japanese exclamation point. ;)
The ocean will be close, too. I've only seen an ocean 2 times, during high school choir tours. And we'll be able to eat some fresh sea food. I've been wanting to try sea scallops for a long time. :) Maybe we'll try some Rhode Island Clam Chowder IN Rhode Island. Ooh! And you know what's in Rhode Island? TAPS! That's right, the Ghost Hunters are there. I wouldn't harrass them, of course. Just like drive past the place and stare pathetically... ;) And we could head out to Manhattan and see the sights.
It will be hard to leave, though. Especially after thinking we'd be here for the holidays. But, this way will be good, too. We'll start the new year in our new place. (Hopefully... that'd suck if we didn't get a place by then.)

John's been realizing that he'll be joining quite a well-known aviation unit. There's a good chance that he could become a red beret. And he will probably get to go to jump school to learn how to jump out of helicopters. This will be a really good opportunity for him. :) It will be a lot of responsibility, which can be intimidating, but I know Johnny can handle it.
*sigh* What a year we're going to have, eh? Get ready for the ride. You all can always read what's going on with us - here in this little spot of blog on the internet. ;) I'll make sure to keep you all updated on our lives. So, in a way, you're coming with us. =)