Like Smoke

Well, here we are. At this junction again. It's funny how when John got back from his trainings we were relieved because we wouldn't have to be apart again for a long time. :D Not even a year later, we'll be saying goodbye again. Not for as long (at least it better not be, cause that would annoy my landlord a bit), but it doesn't make it easier.
Last time I was weak. I admit that. Honestly, I had leaned on John a bit too much without realizing it. It made me a lot stronger to be on my own. It is hard to be alone. You have to be alright with yourself. And if you aren't, you gotta learn to be or it won't get any better. We all have our little voids inside that we try to fill with anything other than self-love. For some reason it feels wrong to love oneself, it feels selfish. I think asking everyone else to love you without giving back is selfish and that most people that act that way do it because they don't know how to love themselves. Loving yourself isn't selfish at all. It's important. It makes it easier to accept the love of someone else and to give love back to that person.
I'm hoping that I've maintained some of the strength I gained the last time we were apart - otherwise, what was the point, eh? I hope I handle things better this time. If not, I apologize in advance for any whining found here. ;) Pathetically, I've tried to push John away lately because in my mind I think that will make it easier. It doesn't, of course. It's still going to hurt. "Pain is the awareness of life," though. It's unavoidable. Whenever I was about to get a cortizone shot or a nerve block I'd tell myself, "It's just pain. Just feel it. Don't resist it. Just feel it, then let it go." And I relaxed and handled the pain and it lingered and faded and eventually was gone. Like smoke.
So, that's what I'm going to try to do emotionally. It's going to hurt. I'm going to take it. And eventually, it will be gone. Another quote I love is that "it's not brave if you're not scared." So, hey, I guess I'm being brave. :)

Running out of sand in that hour glass...

We had a fun Thanksgiving. It was just John and I and my parents this year. My little brother went to Thanksgiving with his cute girlfriend. ;) We had a simple meal with turkey and all the trimmings. It was fun to just enjoy my parents for the holiday. My dad, John, and I went for a walk and talked together while my mom rested from her triumph in the kitchen. =) We had to head home early, though, so John could sleep a little more before he went to work that night. It was a memorable day for us. My parents have become cozier over the years. And, though we've had our troubles along the way, I'm going to miss them so much. I can see them as people now, not just parents. I've learned a lot from them.

John has been finishing up the busywork he needs to get taken care of before he leaves. He will be done with his job as a mentor on the 3rd, then will have his last drill weekend the 4th-6th. And I take him to his hotel on the 8th and he flies out on the 9th. It makes me a little sad because we will have little time together before he leaves and trying to say goodbye to everyone is getting tricky. It doesn't even feel like we're moving away. We aren't packed or anything, so it just feels like John's off to training again or something. Nothing feels final because I'm not sure when I'm going. It could be right away or it could be a while.
We've decided we'll probably drive out with Miles when we do move. This will be somewhat traumatic for all of us - he yowls in the car until we are back home... But, we're going to get a little harness for him and talk to our vet about what we can do to make it a smoother trip for us all. It will be an unforgettable journey no matter what. ;)
We're just planning on enjoying every second together and with our friends and family that we can until Johnny goes. :)

First Date

Well, I've been stressed out a bit lately - change creeping closer does that to me. And the other day I decided to get a little dressed up, just because I feel a little better when I get to look pretty. (Silly, I know, but it's fun.) We needed to run to the store to get a few things that night, so John said he'd run out and clean up the car a little. I decided to rearrange the shower curtain - so Miles can play with even more of the wet little drops on it, his favorite thing to do - and my phone start buzzing and ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that my Johnny-boy was calling. :) I answered and he asked, in a suave voice, if I was busy that night. I blushed and giggled like a dopey schoolgirl and said that I wasn't. He apologized for being so last minute, but asked if I could be ready in about 5 minutes. Well, of course, I could be since I already was, so I said yes. A minute later, there was a knock at the front door. I opened it to see my husband on the doorstep.
"Ready?" His eyes were sparkling with mischief. He loves to be sneaky. He took me to dinner, acting all along like it was our first date. We talked about music and tv shows and our families - not much about moving or army stuff or being terrified about relocating across the country. We love to go to Carrabbas and get soup together. A snow storm had just started when we arrived and it had gone by when we headed out to the car afterward. Then we went to get groceries and came back to our little apartment and just enjoyed being together. Sadly, we watched Transformers 2, which we hadn't seen yet and was a massive disappointment, but we didn't let it spoil it a bit; we just started making fun of it by inserting our own lines throughout. I actually got a backrub out of it, as well. (You can guess who picked that movie and who'll get to pick the next one. ;)
Granted, we're a couple of idiots, but I really needed that night. It helped the stress to let go of me for a little while. Johnny even warmed up the rice bag (it's a small fabric bag - with it's own little pillow case - filled with uncooked rice that you can microwave for a minute or 2 and will hold the heat and work like a heating pad) for my achey shoulders, which also helped my muscles to unclench. I slept really well that night. I'm so lucky to be married to such a sweetheart.
Also, an announcement: that same cute puppy that took me on such a romantic date also got a promotion this week. He is now going to be a Private First Class. He had to pass his PT test, which gave him a little trouble; running in the Utah winter air is very difficult and has been hard on his lungs. But, he did it. I'm so proud of him! He's a first rate soldier, as well as a first rate husband. I really am scared to move somewhere I've never even seen, but I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. We'll hold each other up. :)

New Paths Ahead

Well, it looks like there will be a lot of changes coming up. I'll admit I'm scared. I've spent most of my life in Utah. :-/ I want change to happen, but it's always a bit daunting. We've both been more stressed since we found out, but it's bringing us closer instead of making us fight more or something. It's been really nice - it's like we've been knit together somehow.

We're on our way to a place where we will be pretty alone. Our weekends will be less busy, family and friends all far away. But, that also means that we will learn to take care of each other better. We'll have a chance to be more self-sufficient. John's work schedule has been hard on us - especially when I sleep at night, which isn't happening so much tonight. (I've been stressing a bit too much and laying in bed tends to torture me the last week - I start thinking about all the things I need to do that I'm not sure how to do...)
To make this less scary, we've been talking about all of the cool things that we'll be able to do. We realized we'll be in an ideal location for traveling. John can show me West Virginia, like he always had wanted to. We can visit Virginia, we can head over to Florida, or up to Maryland or New York. My buddy Mark is in New York, so it will be awesome to go up for a visit. I haven't seen him since I was 19 or 20! We've kept in touch, though, which is pretty awesome. And we can find a lot of the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives Guy Fieri visited. :-D And we realized that after a little we won't be so poor anymore. We can have a big deal for Valentine's Day or our birthdays. We can go all out for our anniveraries. (Man, the next one will be 7! That's crazy!) And: Disneyworld would be a possibility, yo! (Btw, I don't think I'm a gangster. The word "yo" is basically a Japanese exclamation point. ;)
The ocean will be close, too. I've only seen an ocean 2 times, during high school choir tours. And we'll be able to eat some fresh sea food. I've been wanting to try sea scallops for a long time. :) Maybe we'll try some Rhode Island Clam Chowder IN Rhode Island. Ooh! And you know what's in Rhode Island? TAPS! That's right, the Ghost Hunters are there. I wouldn't harrass them, of course. Just like drive past the place and stare pathetically... ;) And we could head out to Manhattan and see the sights.
It will be hard to leave, though. Especially after thinking we'd be here for the holidays. But, this way will be good, too. We'll start the new year in our new place. (Hopefully... that'd suck if we didn't get a place by then.)

John's been realizing that he'll be joining quite a well-known aviation unit. There's a good chance that he could become a red beret. And he will probably get to go to jump school to learn how to jump out of helicopters. This will be a really good opportunity for him. :) It will be a lot of responsibility, which can be intimidating, but I know Johnny can handle it.
*sigh* What a year we're going to have, eh? Get ready for the ride. You all can always read what's going on with us - here in this little spot of blog on the internet. ;) I'll make sure to keep you all updated on our lives. So, in a way, you're coming with us. =)

News

John went to MEPS - the processing place - yesterday and today to be processed into the Army. We knew that he might need to requalify with a new MOS (his specific job in the Army) and that if he did there would be a few months of training. But, there was an opening for a 15P Flight Ops (the MOS he's already been in) and he took it. :)
Drum roll................ We will be moving to Fort Bragg, North Carolina in December! John will need to be there by the 9th and I will probably end up moving out a week or two later, depending on how the waiting list is for housing. We'll be able to check about how long the wait will be online and stuff, though. In any case, John should be able to come back and we'll move out together if it happens later.
This has been a lot to take in. We had been told that we would most likely be shipping out in Jan/Feb, so all the urgency to be ready I'd had kind of took a back seat. So, when John said December 9th I almost had an aneurysm. The awesome thing is that the Army will be sending people to pack for us - so it's a good thing I'm bad at it. I'll just unpack those 2 boxes. ;) Since the Army will be responsible for transporting our property, they prefer to pack it themselves to ensure minimal damage. =) The only things we need to pack are the things we'll want to have with us in our vehicle (like Miles and his stuff and our clothes and such for our trip out).
We'll be there for 3 years. We're excited! And nervous! It's so good to finally KNOW. Now we have a goal we're working toward. It will be awesome.

Here was the line... where are you standing?

Today was a weird day. John's recruiter needed to copy some of our important records and such, so we went up there today. John warned me ahead of time that this guy is a good recruiter, but that he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. I was ready for it, but you know how some guys like to embarrass someone in front of his wife by being really rude to him? Yeah, that started happening.
It began with him telling my husband, "You're not too bright," because John hadn't been aware you can't use the same person as a reference for two different things. I don't think it warranted that, but John's a private and this guy was a Sargeant First Class, so they kind of just have to take it from them. If they retort back, they can receive disciplinary action. He kept making waspish remarks like that, "If you had read the directions done it right the FIRST time" and such. I started getting annoyed when he gave me one of those maniacal grins and asked me, "Don't you just love being a private's wife?" I gave him a sarcastic laugh with a glare to let him know I wasn't amused.
Then he starts working with another guy and lets us sit there waiting. This other guy was wondering about getting a bonus. The recruiter turned to us and called my husband by our last name and asked if he cares about a bonus. John responded that he didn't and the recruiter said that John knows to answer like that because he'd punch him in the face if he didn't. Then he looks squarely at me with that same I'm-enjoying-this expression and said, "You know I'd punch him in the face, right? I'd punch him in the face!" and he and the other guys start laughing.
Note: do not push Christine. She doesn't like it and is not afraid of confrontation and will use whatever terminology the other party needs to hear to get the message through.
I was laying back comfortably in my chair, my arm hanging down at my side. I merely turned my head to look more squarely back at him and said calmly, "Honestly, if you did I'd take it to your balls." All speaking in the small building ceased and another Sargeant's head popped out of his cubicle to see what had happened. It was a bit uncouthe of me, but I needed to shock him out of his little ego trip. (I told my mother and she even agreed I needed to be harsh with him, which surprised me.) Flustered as a couple of the other guys started laughing, he was like, "Why ya gotta take it all personal?" still playing it off like we're joking around. I shrugged and said, "I'm a woman, I take everything personally."
He finished up with the other guy and came over and was very respectful and congenial and even apologized a little bit, explaining he was covering for some other Sargeants that are out of town and very stressed today. I let it laugh off and we finished things up on a good note. He just needed to understand that though my husband is a private, I am not and if he pushes at me I can and will push back. I don't think there will be any more unprofessionalism on his part from now on.
I stayed calm and unaffected until we had driven about a block away and I got the shakes. I'm not afraid of confrontation and I'll do it when necessary, but oh I hate it. I've been pretty tired. It was worth it, though. No one calls my husband stupid and threatens to hit him in the face in my presence, and they especially don't get away with taunting me with that bad behavior. He was out of line and now he knows it.
I think I freaked myself out much more than him, anyway. I still can't really believe it.

*creak*... Did you hear that? >:D

Last Halloween, Johnny was in Basic Training and I dressed up as John here for my costume. (It was pretty funny.) So, this year we decided to be a pair of spiders, startling all as we creep by. >:D
There were parties and such going on, but we decided just to be together. We did visit my family for a while and helped out my little brother with his costume. He went as Schroeder (the dude with the piano from Peanuts) and his date masqueraded as Lucy (as in Linus and...). We even found our old little toy piano in the attic for him to carry around and put the Linus & Lucy theme song on his phone so when people asked about their costumes, he could play the song as a hint. ;) That was a lot of fun. I'm hoping he got pictures. John's sister and her boys came by for a surprising trick-or-treat, too. It was funny, cause John didn't recognize them at first because they are getting so tall! :)
The night before Halloween, we watched Aliens. We've been going through the Alien movies; my interest was piqued when I learned these movies were the inspiration for Metroid, my all-time favorite game series. It is so awesome to find out that my long-time foe, Ridley, is the director's namesake. To see that Ridley's tail is exactly like the queen's tail, the noise they both make being similar, as well. Ripley, the main character who is an awesomely brave woman, shows me aspects of Samus Aran. Boo-yah!
So, after a proper creature feature the night before, we went for our favorite Halloween cartoons: It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Garfield's Halloween. (It's especially awesome because Lou Rawls sings the songs in the Garfield specials from back in the day!) We also enjoyed Bell, Book, and Candle - a 60s flick about witches and such starring Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart. We really appreciate little things, like handing out candy together, as we remember the difficult times from last year.
The only thing that scares me, the most frightening night of the year, is the idea that we might never have met. Here's to you, Johnny.