The Lucky Penny and "Let My Hamstah Go!"

Well, we've been doing well since the tornadoes hit this area. (Aside from a large grocery bill. hahaha) I probably won't ever let myself have 5 frozen pizzas in the freezer at once again. It made me so sad throwing their warpednesses away. They were all going to be so yummy! hahaha
Seriously, though, I'm a little afraid of storms now. When the wind and rain get crazy I get nervous butterflies in my stomach. And I'm definitely doing what my mother has always said I need to do: make 72 hour kits. (Yeah, there will probably be MRE's in there. hahaha) I don't even hate when my mother's right anymore cause I've started expecting it. >:C I accept it begrudgingly... lol.
In other news, I've started a diet and exercise program. It's a little hilarious cause the book says you can eat whatever you want, but then has a 1400 daily caloric intake eating plan... xD In the end, losing weight is just math. (Actually, in the end everything is about math. O.O <-- large "whoa" eyes) But, I'm loving it. I really like having all my meals and snacks planned out and that I get to cook them myself. It's a 6 week program with walking, working out, stretching, planned meals, etc. And, this shouldn't surprise anyone, yes, it is a Denise Austin program. =D I loves her. (Not a typo.) It's the Shrink Your Female Fat Zones book she wrote a while back. I bought it used for a penny on amazon. I feel a little guilty for not buying a new one and helping the business and stats and all, but when I think of a used book that needs love then I need to give it a home. (In the Christine world inanimate objects have feelings.) (And animals DEFINITELY have feelings there, too, while we're describing the place. ;) ) What a well-spent penny! I love stretching so much! The program has you stretch 3 times daily. The first day I woke up with a headache, which is fairly typical for me, and after stretching my headache went away! =) I love the workouts and I'm enjoying taking the time to walk on the treadmill listening to mah tunes! My tunes and I don't get enough alone time lately. (Possibly because my ipod broke, but then we got our tax return and corrected that situation. And I've decided to call it mypod and call them mytunes. For funs.) I've reached the end of week one now and am feeling great! ^_^
The house has been in some Zoe uproar of late. She LOVES Dexter (the hamstah). She has decided we got her a pet. She likes to sleep next to his cage and (attempt to) cuddle him in his ball as he runs around.

The thing is, she HATES when we put him in the cage and has been trying to bust him out. She figured out how to unlock the locks and has opened up the side once (you can lift the whole top off for easy cleaning and apparently also as a handy escape route). Fortunately, Dexter was terrified and hid in his little hut. So we had to put his cage in another room and close the door, which Zoe promptly laid against with all her little limbs stuffed under the door. (She looked like an odd little Zoe-loaf... hahaha) Even when we called her and made tons of noise putting food in her bowl to draw her away, she didn't budge. John even said dramatically, "She will eat when Dexter is free!" Hahaha! So, we're working on a compromise for more hamstah-ball time if she'll subside her efforts. We're still in negotiations, but have high hopes for a future in which hamstahs and kitties can all be happy and live together with the same rights. ;)

Blustery day.

This weekend turned out a lot different than we expected. We had decided to go do some shopping late Saturday afternoon, so I was getting ready. It was windy outside, but John had gotten a weather warning at work the night before that there would be winds up to 55 mph and a chance of hail, so we weren't surprised. And then it started raining SO HARD. And the roof started buzzing. John said, "We're about to lose power." And then we did. (No worries, his crystal ball's in the mail.) We've had a few power outages recently, so I wasn't too concerned and we went on our way despite the rain. Moments after we started driving, though, the rain worsened so we couldn't see at all, even with the wipers on full blast. When we arrived at the mini mall the power was out there, as well. In fact, the whole base seemed without power. We had just gotten paid and needed to replenish our food supply, though, so we started heading toward Fayetteville. The first road we tried was blocked by enormous trees strewn across the five lanes. We started to realize this wasn't just a storm. The next road we tried had several power lanes strewn across it, again a five-lane street.

We'd been stuck in traffic turning around for some time, though, and my blood sugar was getting very low and had very little food at home to make, especially without power. So, we just started driving the other direction. Back across Fort Bragg, through Spring Lake, looking for signs of electricity. Half an hour later we came to a little town called Lillington and they had working stop lights, which thrilled us. We found an Italian restaurant, Nonna's, and went in for some food. Not long after we arrived there, they had to close and just serve the people that were there because they simply didn't have the number of people to handle that many orders. Every food establishment open was crammed full of people trying to find a meal. Nonna's turned out to have amazing food! We stopped at a gas station and got some bottled water, beef jerky, and a candy bar and headed back home. It was unreal going from the lighted area into the powerless, dark area. We made it home through the intersections and detours at last and laid on the floor by our patio doors in the moonlight (thankfully there was a full moon - with a ring around it, a sign of trouble). After a while of absorbing the news we'd gotten at the restaurant that there had been a tornado we used flashlights to change and just went to sleep for a while. I woke up at 1 a.m. from hunger. So dark. So quiet. I was so grateful for the ticking clock on the wall. I could hear the ice shifting in the freezer as it melted. I got out my book light (thank you, Mama) and read for hours, too stressed to sleep. I fell asleep close to sunrise. We regained power about 11 that morning and I kept sleeping until 3. The food in our freezer had sagged down from its thaw. No idea how the food in the fridge was... didn't want to let out the cool air to check during the outage.

Annoyingly, we were out of peanut butter for the disaster. xD Of course. So, we drove back out to Nonna's (for our first meal since the last time we'd eaten there), which was much less crowded than the day before. WalMart, on the way home, was very crowded, though. They'd put some of the things that needed to be kept cold in the back where they had a generator, so we were able to get some milk. We just got a few things (including peanut butter) and came home. I've mostly been enjoying cereal, knock-off slim fast drinks, and graham crackers since then. Today will be a pb & j day.

Once we had regained power, we looked up what news we could find about the tornado. Or I should say tornadoes. There were 8 in our area and many more throughout much of the country. One went by less than a mile from our house. And we drove right into where it was just a few minutes afterward. Northern Fayetteville and Sanford were hit hard, as well as Raleigh. Apparently, a Lowe's is completely gone. The people inside had managed to gather in the back docking area made of concrete before the building was demolished so they were okay. There was some damage done to the base, though John and I aren't sure how much. We don't know how much it will affect their time of deployment yet.

I'm just so thankful that John and I and our pets are alright and our home and car are still in tact. While we were trying to get through all the traffic we saw many car accidents that had taken place, the people waiting hours for help to come because anyone that would report to the scene were directing traffic and and trying to take care of the most dire needs.

I'm not sure if I've ever felt that helpless before. Knowing that if something happens help probably can't get to you even if they could come at all. Feeling so exposed and vulnerable. Watching some people just do whatever they want in the chaos. I mean, that was a stop sign, it doesn't need power to be in effect and the guy still tried to run it as we started driving through the 4-way after our own stop. I couldn't help feeling like this is what anarchy must feel like. Many individuals unsure of one another trying to survive catastrophe. Most people were very helpful and caring, but there were those that were ready to take advantage at every moment. I can't even understand such selfish thinking. It hurts me so much to try.

I'm glad things are starting to feel normal and rhythmic again. Yesterday the stress finally hit me and I slept and felt ill much of the day and then didn't sleep all night. But, I'm feeling the return of calm today. The stillness after the wind. It swept through and left nothing the same, including me. "Let that be a lesson to you; never take anything for granted."

Rediscovering

I've always believed that you should be yourself. I didn't know that I would need to rediscover that person several times in my life. I thought this sense of "self" was unchangeable, unaffected, someone I could depend on.

However, I am nothing like I expected and yet everything that I expected. A lot of the outside things have changed about me. My ideas, my religion, my body, my goals, my location... practically everything. But there are things about my character that haven't changed since kindergarten. I have a strict sense of justice. I am fair-minded. I'll stand up for the little guy. I have always tried to be a kind person, though I did have to scrub "welcome" off my forehead so I'd stop being confused with a doormat and I gained a fire inside that refuses to be dominated. Much of my life that fire felt smothered and suffocated, it didn't have any air. I realized that I couldn't be who I really was and keep living the life I was living. And that surprised some people. But, for me it was like heavy armor falling off and wings sprouting out of my back and spreading at last. To many I became a dead leaf, but I knew that I was a butterfly in stealth mode. *laughing at myself*

It's time to redefine who I am for you and a little for myself:
I wish I were describing myself as a "free spirit" but I'm really not. I like to plan things and I'm not very spontaneous - if I act spontaneously, it took careful thought-planning beforehand. And I get a little annoyed if something messes up my planned spontaneity. xD

I believe in evolution. And God. :) I'm on both sides of the dispute and feel like both sides are thinking too small.
I believe a person falls in love with a soul, regardless of anything else, and that no person has the authority to tell someone that he or she is not worthy to give and receive love. I feel God said to love everyone and let Him handle the details. So, that's what I do. Because the God I know is bigger than any religion, bigger than any box mankind can close him into and put words into his mouth. He's so much better than I ever realized. And my main goal in life is to develop the same capacity for love. I feel like above all I need to answer for how I treat other people.
I'm a cluttery, messy person. I always felt like I would never do things right so I stopped trying. I'm not naturally tidy and I really wish I were a neat freak - like Monica Gellar cleaning maniac. Apparently, though, that's not me. But here's hoping. *crosses fingers*
I love learning. I love science. It's fun to know why the Earth is round, why the grass is green, why there are earthquakes and volcanoes... that we have a magnetosphere protecting us from the solar wind because of the movement of the liquid iron outer core. That stuff is awesome to me. I love literature and writing - I love words dancing around in my mind.

I feel like if there's a food I don't like it's because I haven't had it done right. I enjoy cooking but it's hard to get the energy from somewhere to go do it. Once I start it's wonderful, though. I love coffee with it's bitterness cutting through something sweet. I love carbs (especially bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes... that might be all the carbs... hahaha) and will not give them up ever. Hahaha. New tastes entrance me - like lemon zest and cumin and cinnamon in the same dish. Sounds crazy, but that's Moroccan and it is so yummy. Creating something soulful and comforting enriches me.
I never thought I'd be a soldier's wife. Not in a million years. Thus, it bugs me when women tell me they "could never do that." Like I can? Like it doesn't kill me all the time knowing that come our 8th anniversary he is leaving for a year and might never make it back? It's not that I can, it's just that I do it. I saw my Johnny so unhappy and so pushed down by the supposedly smarter and supposedly more experienced that I took his dream and handed it to him, to hell with all my fear. Why would I let my fear of being alone stop him from being what he always wished to be? No one else had ever snatched a dream off the shelf and handed it to him ever, so I did to show him how much I KNOW that he can do it and that I KNOW he is NOT stupid like his may-they-burn teachers told him. So what if that's put me in a little bit of a limbo? So what if that threw a wrench in my little itemized life plan? Look at that smile. Look at him walking so straight and tall and feeling good about himself for the first time. He found his spark! I love him. And that is everything. And I will fight and have fought anyone that tries to hurt him, including himself.
I want to be a mother. I want to have sweet children and show them the world and teach them and love them and discipline them and be my best for them. I knew this longing would come if I waited until I was ready. So, when Johnny gets back from his tour of duty, we'll see if biologically it's in the cards. Because I already have butterfly and pirate ship Wilton cake pans on my amazon wish list for those birthday parties. =)
And I need to write. I've been so afraid of it. I'll write for a while and then stop for months. Because it means too much to me. But, I think I'm finally to the point where I can sink into it. Let people laugh at me and tell me how ridiculous it is. They can't hurt me anymore. I sit at my computer in my beater and shorties every day thinking of things to say. For my blog, for my idiotic facebook (honestly never been so many people talking with so little to say), for emails and phone calls and whatever else. But now I'll be sitting there putting that effort to work! It's time to admit who I am to me. I had to let go of some things. But I feel better. I know how to feel without conflict now. I love it.

Hamstah!!!

Since John and I have our birthdays so close together, we often will get ourselves a joint birthday present of happiness. ^_^ And this year we decided to get a Russian dwarf hamster. He's a baby and all white. And when Miles walks up when I'm holding him, he bites really hard with those tiny baby hamster teeth... (Heh heh...) I have a bandage in place now and I think he still loves me. ( D= Hopefully!!!) Because I love him soooo muuuuch! Miles and Zoe are just mesmerized by him. They have all sniffed each other through the little slats in his run-around-the-place-ball and are getting to know each other. :)

Everyone, meet Dexter!!! Our new addition to the family. He's adorable and soft. Secret exposed: I had never held a hamster (or any tiny creature) before today. I enjoy it! =D (Aside from that little bite... xD )

(Supervised get-to-know-you time. So cute.)

Dexter loves Tiney. xD
Isn't he the cutest???

Extra thing about me: What tastes like Christmas when you eat it?
=D Christmas tastes like my mama's homemade fudge. And Easter tastes like Cadbury eggs. My birthday tastes like frosting, Halloween tastes like a tootsie pop, and Valentine's day is a sugar cookie. n_n

Just Doing Nothing =)

Well, I had a fun birthday. We just had a simple, happy day together. We got sushi and cheesecake for my birthday dinner. And we watched Despicable Me! Johnny gave it to me for my present and that made me very happy. =D I don't know why, but I always forget to take pictures on my birthday. -.- So, this year we'll have a joint birthday picture again and soon. xD John had the day off for my birthday, so we spent a lot of time just being lazy and having fun together. =) Like how Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh "just do nothing" together. ;) It's tons of fun.
I've been cooking a lot again. :D This past week I made a batch of my pumpkin cookies for a friend of John's that offered to pay for his very own batch. I was very happy to fill the order. Thankfully they turned out just right. (I was nervous I'd mess it up!) I also made orecchiete with broccolini and ricotta and last night some vegetable couscous. ^_^ And there is a big tower of bowls next to the sink to prove it! xD Hahaha! I know what I'll be doing tomorrow! But, it's worth it. Something about cooking is just so satisfying. :)
There's nothing quite so uncomfortable or cozy as having two cats sleep on top of you, too, by the way. I am always a little sad when my spine forces me to move and upset them. I love my little family. =) And Johnny's birthday is coming up on April 6th! >:) I get more excited for his birthday so I can spoil him! Mwahahahaha! *begins plotting*

Birthday Goals =)

It's almost birthday time for the Christine! =D And it is actually Springtime in North Carolina in March which makes me so happy! It would always snow near my birthday in Utah, ruining my Spring birthday plans. Hahaha. I already have my new pink birthday shirt (more pinkish purple this year, though) and I'm excited to start another year of being me. :) So far we have pretty simple plans of going to dinner or something and watching a movie together at home. (Secret: I'm not a big fan of movie theaters. Sticky floors, booming speakers that make my head hurt, not knowing if the person that sat here before me had head lice - I'm extremely lice paranoid, weird smells, cell phones, annoying people talking, no bathroom breaks, hearing the person behind me CHEWING - yes this actually happened recently - I mean, WHY did someone think it'd be a good idea for a movie theater to sell nachos?... Anyway... renting and watching at home has always been preferable to me.)
I want to make birthday goals (kind of like new year's resolutions but birthday-related ;) this year. I'm only going to be around people that help me feel happy about life (including on facebook). I want to be more active physically and try to get some kind of exercise done daily. I know many people are against formal exercise for one reason or another, but I have gotten so I actually enjoy it. Sure it makes me tired and sweaty and my muscles get sore, but it gives me more energy for the day and I get a sense of accomplishment from it. :) Overall, I want to make this year full of positive, upbeat days. My next birthday I will on my own, since John will be in Afghanistan and I am determined to be a very strong person by that time. =) I'll be turning 29 this year! Gonna round out my 20s with some happy. =D I don't want to get depressed about getting older. It won't change anything and will just give me sad lines instead of happy ones. Hahaha. ^_^

Extra thing about me: Name a geeky hobby you have.

Oh, which one to choose. xD I'm quite the geek, as you all know. (After all, I'm a fan of Star Wars, Rainbow Brite, video games, comic books... I'm a geeky gamer girl and I love it!) Lately I've had this hobby finding as many animal species as I can and finding a few cool pictures of each of them. This explains the animal pictures I have in the sidebar of my blog. I think it's fascinating to see all of the different kinds of bats, snakes, horses, foxes, doves, etc. It'll take many years for me to get through the folder featuring a different animal with each new post, but that's okay. I love animals so so much. I feel like each one has its own unique personality. Some religions feel like the animals' souls will become people someday and so they treat animals with respect. I love that. I met an African gray parrot last week for the first time and looked into her eyes. They are some of the smartest birds on the planet. When John was a kid he had a friend with a very smart African gray parrot that would answer the phone and the door and had quite an extensive vocabulary. When I looked at this parrot at the pet store last week I could see the intelligence. Of course, my strongest bond is with cats (I'm not kidding - they follow me home and John has to take them back to their owners) but I love all animals. For a short time I had a dream of becoming a vet for a zoo. And then I found out there were no veterinary schools in Utah (programs to be an assistant or whatnot but not to become a full-fledged veterinarian). Anyway... animal pictures = one of my geeky hobbies. ;)

As It Should Be :)

I've been letting myself relax since John has been home. Sometimes you don't realize you've been stressed until it is released and the cause for the stress is resolved. Then things crumble a little bit. Hahaha. So, I've been sick for a few days with some flu-ish germ, but I'm starting to feel much better today. Better enough that I might be making some chicken gnocchi soup tonight to help me feel even more better. ^_^ I'll need to wash my giant cutting board and my knife first, but I can do it! (I love having a giant cutting board when I'm chopping but then when it's dirty I get a little mrffled. -I made up a word to fit the feeling.-)

It has been wonderfully stormy the past few days here. I like storms when I'm sick. Cause when you're sick and the sun's streaming in you - well, I - want to just look out and the window at all the sunny and say, "Shutup." And today is blissfully cloudy, just as I feel. Almost cleared up but still a little hazy.
The longer I'm off of the medication of grrrr the more I feel like I've come home to myself. The new medication doesn't really make that noticeable of an effect, just that I feel more relaxed. And I've lost a few pounds which was cause for much Snoopy-dancing. (When you're happy if you dance like Snoopy it makes everything even more wonderful. It is one of the many happy dances, in the same category as the Fraggle dance, in case anyone wondered.)
I'm sitting here with a Zoe laying on her back on my lap. She loves to watch the computer screen and kick back. :) I love my kitties. Things are really good and calm and as they should be. =)

Extra Thing About Me: A picture of you in your favorite shirt.
My favorite shirt is my red Hello Kitty shirt. John got it for me for our 3rd anniversary, I think. There have been so many wearings of the shirt it's hard to recall the first wearing of it. Hahaha. And this is my favorite picture of me in it on our 3rd anniversary in 2006.