Staying strong.

This has been a really hard week and a half.  Miles seemed to not be feeling well, so I took him to the vet.  He has chronic kidney disease.  His kidneys have become smaller and are round-shaped now.  His body is functioning with only about 1/3 of his kidneys being functional.  The creatinine levels in the blood is high for a cat at a 3.  Miles's level is at 11.  So, it's pretty serious.  He also has a substantial heart murmur.  He lost 2 lbs. (he went from 11.4 to 9.3) in a month.  So, we've been at the vet a lot and now twice a day I give him two liquid medicines, a gel, and a pill.  And once daily I administer fluids under the skin - which is basically hooking him up to an IV at home.  I'm not a fan of needles, so it's a difficult thing for me to do.  But, love is a great creator of courage.  So, I'm doing my best to take care of him.   I ache inside all the time now because I love him so much and it's so hard to see him sick and not knowing if he will get better.  I've had people make fun of me about him in the past.  But, he has been like a child to me.  And I don't care if the comparison bothers anyone.  If it does, they don't have to talk to me.  He has sat up next to me while I was sick and sleeping all night.  He comes running from anywhere in the house if I sneeze so he can check on me.  He is my adorable sentinel while I am in the shower, sitting on the bath mat protecting me.  He kisses me on the face regularly, he sits by me in the evenings and we watch movies together or I read by him.  He has shown me more love and kindness than most of the people I've known in my life.  And I love him so very much.  The first time I heard him cry as a kitten trapped in that thorny hedge it awakened a mother's instinct in me and I knew I would take care of him for the rest of his life.  I promised him that when we took him in.  And he and Zoe are what keep me going while John is in Afghanistan.  The idea that Miles might not be here when John comes back is agonizing.  I'm going to do all that I can, I will give all of my time, I will give all of my money, everything to take care of him.  Because that's what you do for someone you love.  I am honored to have shared our home and lives with him.  He's our family.  I'll keep you posted.