Free Your Soul

I have this Japanese movie called Ping Pong that I love. It's about some high school boys that play ping pong in national tournaments. But, it's not just a flat sports movie. (Actually, nothing the Japanese create is flat, from my experience.) The movie is based on a manga (comic) and there is a theme running through the movie that Johnny loves talking about with people. There are two boys that are best friends Peko and Tsukimoto, whom they call Smile because he never does. Peko chased some bullies away from Smile when they were kids and taught him to play ping pong and they became best friends. Peko was always the best out of all their friends. But Smile became more and more talented. However, he'd pull back playing against Peko. Peko was his hero; how could he beat his hero? To make an awesome story too short, Tsukimoto rises in tournaments and Peko realizes that he, too, needs to rise and work hard and become Tsukimoto's hero again. (And Tsukimoto smiles.) There's a part near the end, where Peko is playing in the semi-finals and his knee begins hurting really bad due to a prior injury. He turns away from his competitor and crouches over a bit, breathing hard. Tsukimoto is not watching, he is out on the stairs. But, in their minds, they talk. Tsukimoto asks Peko if he is strong and he nods. He tells Peko that his knee will be alright. "Listen to it." And Peko suddenly pulls strength from somewhere and plays better than he ever has. He goes into that zone you disappear into when you love something very much and it just happens, your body just does it. He always says, "Hiiro kenzan!" which means, "Enter the Hero!" And he becomes the hero again.
I am experiencing something like that with Johnny. We're becoming stronger for each other and I cannot let him down. Even if my knee will never be the same. And somehow we're holding each other up a little bit even though we haven't been in contact for a week and a half. Whenever I go to that miserable lonely corner inside myself where I feel like I will break down completely while I cry, there's some part of him waiting there, saying, "Are you strong?" And I nod. So now I've got to get my game on, eh? I'm sorry for my weakness earlier. But, I think weakness is important. You learn a lot about yourself as you step away from that weakness and force yourself to shed its safety. It comes slowly but I'm finding that it's so sweet. I've never thought of pain as sweet before. But it is; it's exquisite. Refining. I really appreciate you guys being there for me. I've got to actually play the game and stop favoring my knee because it hurts. I'm emerging into that place where, it's not that you don't feel the pain anymore, you just don't allow it to affect you. You fly.
"Hiiro kenzan!"