Whenever my husband tells someone that he's joined the Army National Guard, everyone instantly looks at me and asks how I feel about it. When he was first talking about it, I was not a fan. Scared the hell out of me, to be honest and frank. But, he needed something. He works for a delivery company that couldn't care less about us and that he's hit the ceiling of progress at. (Of course, if he were related to someone... I hate the way Utah works. You have to be related to someone to get a good job.) They treat him like crap and facing a reality where this could really be "it" for us sucked. He was getting so hollow. So, I decided to re-think why I didn't want him to join the military. And I could only pin it on one culprit: fear, my companion since childhood that I'd begun to loathe. Was that what I really wanted to base my decisions on, a fear? Fear of what? The military couldn't mess him up -- if he hadn't been messed up witnessing death the ways he'd already seen it (saw a friend shot point-blank and saw his girlfriend kill herself by running head-on into a train then helped her brother and the paramedics pick up the pieces) he wouldn't get messed up from anything. (Seriously, he's better adjusted than I am.) It was selfish fear: being alone, being left a widow with or without kids, waiting for him to die all the time. I didn't want to narrow his life because I was scared. He's only got the one. How could I hold him back? Since he's joined, his confidence has grown so much. Someone else finally saw his potential. Someone finally treats him like the awesome person I know he is. And he is excelling more and more. Besides, like death could keep us apart.
He'll be leaving for 20 weeks starting September 2nd (Basic and AIT). I've actually never lived alone before. I can't even remember what it's like not to be with him. This weekend we met a guy from the company my husband will be with. He just got back from Iraq 2 months ago (he volunteered to go, like many of the Guard's soldiers over there). He showed us his weapons and gear and pictures... I guess it became more real for me. I still stand by my decision, but I just realize how strong I'm not and how strong I'll have to be. It's gonna be awesome, you guys. Really hard. Not as hard as whenever he deploys, but no worries I've been playing that one over in my head since he told me he'd wanted to be a soldier since he was little.
Whatever it takes I'll let it take. It can rip my world apart but it can't rip us apart. No matter what people keep telling me about how many soldiers cheat and wives cheat or how much they both change and realize they're not in love anymore. We gave up everything to be together. We had nothing when we got engaged. We bought a love seat that was sitting in someone's yard for $10 and that was what we had. We both lost our jobs a month before we got married. Believe me, we can take this on. I've never known love like this before. I haven't even seen love like this.
So, I'll need you guys. Whoever even reads this. Because I'll need somewhere to go to just say whatever I need to say and remember whatever I need to remember. During those twenty weeks and whenever he goes to fight. I'm not so naive that I'll say it won't happen. It will.
So, thanks.
He'll be leaving for 20 weeks starting September 2nd (Basic and AIT). I've actually never lived alone before. I can't even remember what it's like not to be with him. This weekend we met a guy from the company my husband will be with. He just got back from Iraq 2 months ago (he volunteered to go, like many of the Guard's soldiers over there). He showed us his weapons and gear and pictures... I guess it became more real for me. I still stand by my decision, but I just realize how strong I'm not and how strong I'll have to be. It's gonna be awesome, you guys. Really hard. Not as hard as whenever he deploys, but no worries I've been playing that one over in my head since he told me he'd wanted to be a soldier since he was little.
Whatever it takes I'll let it take. It can rip my world apart but it can't rip us apart. No matter what people keep telling me about how many soldiers cheat and wives cheat or how much they both change and realize they're not in love anymore. We gave up everything to be together. We had nothing when we got engaged. We bought a love seat that was sitting in someone's yard for $10 and that was what we had. We both lost our jobs a month before we got married. Believe me, we can take this on. I've never known love like this before. I haven't even seen love like this.
So, I'll need you guys. Whoever even reads this. Because I'll need somewhere to go to just say whatever I need to say and remember whatever I need to remember. During those twenty weeks and whenever he goes to fight. I'm not so naive that I'll say it won't happen. It will.
So, thanks.
1 comment:
You got it.
Naomi
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